


Can I hold you?

by Alwaysinmyheartyourssincerelyliz



Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blush kink (is that even a thing? it should be), Denial of Feelings, Doctor Jaehyun, Dom/sub Undertones, Eventual Smut, Excessive use of italics, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, Lee Taeyong is Whipped, M/M, Oblivious Mark Lee (NCT), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Praise Kink, Sexual Tension, Shy Taeyong, Slow Burn (kinda I guess), Student Taeyong, Teacher/student relationship (kinda?), Top Jaehyun, Younger Taeyong, bottom taeyong, but I might write smut, chapters' titles are just embarassing, cute taeyong, it’s all very cute, jealous jaehyun (in a healthy way), older Jaehyun, side markhyuck, slight Umiliation Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:34:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25961404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alwaysinmyheartyourssincerelyliz/pseuds/Alwaysinmyheartyourssincerelyliz
Summary: Taeyong tried to get his eyes to focus and he finally took a glimpse of the savior’s face. My life is a joke, he thought. A big freaking rom-com.Or the doctor/student AU no one asked for.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 124
Kudos: 312





	1. Shy and sly

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo hi everyone, I’m Liz, and this is my first fic ever. I don’t know how it’s going to come out but I’ve always wanted to write a jaeyong fic because there aren’t enough jaeyong fics out there. So here it is.  
> It is a fictional writing, so everything is created by my imagination, nothing in any way should be taken seriously. I should let you know that English is not my first language so I apologize in advance if there are language mistakes, I’ll try to revise it as much as possible. For additional notes, we will see each other at the end of the chapter!  
> Pls be kind with me, thank you love you all

Taeyong really was the perfect normal university student. He had a simple life, really. He went to high school and then, just like things should be, he went to college. He was now at his second year of his Literature course and he honestly liked what he was studying. His passion for reading grew with him like a sibling, it had almost become a personality trait by now. That’s why people always gifted him books on Christmas, and he was thankful, a book was always a good idea in Taeyong’s mind, mostly when things got a little too much to handle. He would just take a book from his extra full library in his dorm, one of his favorites, with warned out yellow pages (some of them had even stains of tea, drops of liquid fallen from his mug one cold winter night when his eyes closed without him even noticing) and loose himself into another dimension. He would let himself dream of being inside the story and that would help him forget for a while all of his worries and stressful thoughts. Classics were his favorites, and he hardly ever read something that was not utterly romantic and stupidly emotional. Honestly, he felt he was born in the wrong era, Jane Austen would’ve been a great friend of his if only God had decided to give him the breath of life a couple of centuries before.

That night was one of those nights were Taeyong just felt particularly tired, both physically and mentally. He was going through his exam session, that never failed to leave him lifeless, walking around like a dead body standing only thanks to the five cups of coffee he drunk that morning to get through the day. He didn’t even like coffee, he preferred tea, but he was always tired to the bone and only coffee would do the trick, even if it made him jittery and a little jumpy. But that was again all normal. Procedure.

That morning Taeyong woke up at an ungodly hour because his university decided that class would start at 8 a.m. and _only god knows why_ his phone didn’t ring for some unknown reason, but his biological clock woke him up anyway, he was late of course, but he couldn’t care less. He had to stop by the cafe and get his coffee or he would not survive, he would _not._ Of course that morning when he was already late the cafe was packed. He patiently (not so patiently) waited for his turn in line, checking from time to time his phone, imagining the embarrassment he will surely feel when he will enter the class interrupting the professor’s lesson because of his incapability of setting an alarm. While he was standing in line he was also trying to fix that strand of hair that was just not cooperating. He knew he had had only two or three hours sleep the previous night, and his insomnia was getting worse and exams and assignments didn’t help one bit. He also went to bed without eating anything, too tired to do anything, too tired to even sleep. And that’s how, deprived of sleep and with non-existent blood sugar’s, he suddenly felt dizzy, his mind clouded, his eyes were fogging up quickly and his ears felt as if they were being stuffed with cotton. He could feel his breath shortening and his legs giving up, betraying him and suddenly everything went black, his conscience abandoning him in a deep, exhausted void.

~

Taeyong opened his eyes slowly, irises adjusting to the blinding light. He suddenly noticed three things: he was staring at the roof, he could feel the hard cool floor trough his hoodie hurting his head, and there were people surrounding him, towering over him like worried buildings. Except for one, a person was kneeling beside him and holding his face carefully, it was the only source of warmth he could feel, and he leaned into it as if his life was depending on it. He tried to get his eyes to focus and he finally took a glimpse of the savior’s face. My life is a joke, he thought. A big freaking rom-com. The man was dressed in elegant black trousers, a white shirt with its sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a loosened tie was hanging freely from his neck, he probably had a jacket somewhere, Taeyong wondered. His eyes travelled up his hands and he could clearly see the veins adorning his arms like ivy on a royal palace. His appearance screamed for attention, and Taeyong was a weak man. When Taeyong’s eyes reached his face, his breath got caught in his throat. His skin was white as marble and his cheeks were rosy, almost as if he was blushing: he resembled a Greek statue, marvelous and majestic. But his eyes, oh his eyes. Far from a dead stare, his eyes were glinting with different emotions, worry, concern but much to Taeyong’s surprise, mostly affection. They were staring at him with a frown that Taeyong wanted to soothe, because such beautiful eyes shouldn’t frown like that. He registered too late that the boy -the man? - was talking to him, too engrossed in the way his lips were moving. And he was beautiful, probably the most handsome man Taeyong has ever seen. Not the kind of aggressive beauty, but the gentle and breathtaking one. He radiated power, elegance, and confidence, a dangerous mixture that was making thinking a really difficult task. Finally, Taeyong registered his voice. 

“Hi there, can you hear me?” he said.

“I.... I- yes I can hear you” he replied shyly, he didn’t know why but he felt shame washing over him and he could barely find the words to reply to the handsome man. He was undeniably older, not much but enough to intimidate Taeyong. 

“How are you feeling? You hit your head quite hard.” That’s the moment Taeyong realized he fainted. He was too busy taking in the sight of the stranger to think of why he was laying on the floor.

“I think- I think I’m okay, my head hurts a bit though.” He registered a faint pain in the back of his head, and he felt heavy, really heavy. “And I feel like I have no energy left.”

“You probably had a pressure drop, I’m a doctor, let me help you.” He addressed at Taeyong a reassuring smile, while helping him getting up. But Taeyong really felt like jelly, damn him, and his legs started to shake and were giving up again, but this time the man caught him by the waist with a strong and firm grip before he could actually fall.

“Hold on to me.” Taeyong felt embarrassment creeping high on his cheeks and mouth, hotness pounding in his lips, he probably was turning a deep shade of red.

“I’m so- so sorry. I j-just can’t stand up...” He was stuttering, embarrassed that he couldn’t even do such a simple thing like walking.

“You’re blushing.” The statement caught Taeyong off guard and if it was possible, he felt himself blushing even more.

“I-“ 

“No need to worry, pretty. My name’s Jaehyun and I’d like to make sure you eat something and then I can take a look at your head. What’s your name?”

“Taeyong.” The nickname was not helping to calm down Taeyong’s blush, Jaehyun knew what he was doing and he probably understood what kind of effect he was having on the younger. And he was smiling. He was beautiful. Has he already said that? Jaehyun smiled even more, all teeth and dimples, with a sly expression and Taeyong realized he said that thought out loud. He dramatically opened his eyes and covered his mouth with a slap, almost hurting his lips with the force of it and apologized. 

“I’m sorry I’m- I’m not thinking right now, I’m not responsible of what I’m saying.” Suddenly Jaehyun took his wrist, lowered his hand slowly while gently pressing his thumb on his skin, trying to comfort him.

“Don’t apologize, you just gave me a compliment, no need to say sorry Taeyong.” Hearing him saying his name was- _something_. He pronounced it softly and roughly at the same time, Taeyong wondered if Jaehyun was hiding somewhere underneath his royal appearance both sides. He realized he hadn’t replied to the older man, but he probably just awkwardly kept staring at him in bewilderment. What is wrong with him? Can’t even put two words together. Jaehyun noticed his struggle. He was looking at the young in search of something, with intention and a note of seriousness, that Taeyong was ready to mistake (or maybe not?) for interest, still he couldn’t hold the intensity of it all, and averted his gaze.

“Alright Taeyong, listen to me carefully, are you with me?” He was almost chuckling at how cute Taeyong looked so confused and clearly flustered, but there were more important matters at hand. 

“Yes.”

”Can you follow me? Here take my hand, we will sit for a bit while you eat your breakfast okay?” He nodded. He probably could’ve asked him to follow him to the end of the world and he would’ve said ‘ _Yes, take me with you.’  
_

“Use your words Taeyong.”

“Oh, o-okay yes I will follow you.” 

“Very good, let’s go then.” He took his hand gently with both hands, intertwined their fingers and carefully watched if Taeyong was ready to walk. Once he was sure that the younger was standing and balancing on his own he led the way towards the nearest table in the cafe. Taeyong followed with a dumb expression on his face, not sure if he was still passed out on the floor dreaming of an angel with gentle eyes. 


	2. Tea and painkillers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I’m on holidays and I have a lot of time to waste, I’m writing to improve myself and to create something others might enjoy too. I was inspired so here it is.  
> Please let me know what do you think, and if you have any suggestions, please leave a comment , I will read everything.  
> Thank you, enjoy

“Sit here, I’m going to order something, what do you like?” Jaehyun helped Taeyong sit down and was already standing up, staring down at him with a kind smile.

“I have to go to lesson later, actually I’m already late, probably missed it by now, but I got lesson also this afternoon so-“ he realized he was rambling “a coffee please.” He hoped he was making sense, because the older was smiling down at him and looking at him with a funny expression.

“Why do you all students think coffee is the right way to cope with tiredness?” Taeyong opened his mouth and then closed it in search for an answer.

“Coffee gives you energy immediately, but leaves you exhausted after two hours or so. Tea gives you energy gradually, keeping you awake for a longer time. So I advise you drink a cup of tea, which would help also with your sugar drop.” Again Taeyong was staring at him, could he actually refuse? Not really.

“I actually prefer tea over coffee...”

“Me too, then why do you drink coffee if you don’t like it?” Taeyong was again left fishing for words.

“Tea it is then.” He returned a few minutes later, with two cups of tea, several sugar bags and a chocolate muffin.

“I hope you like chocolate, it helps with pression too.”

“Yes, thank you, it’s my favorite.” It was, and Taeyong suddenly felt really hungry, stomach growling at the sight of food. They spent a few moments in silence, spoons going around in circles, just like Taeyong’s mind, while aroma was slowly filling the air with a strong note of wood and black leaves, undeniably mixing with the older’s scent, the outcome was intoxicating. The student took a bite of the muffin, feeling Jaehyun’s stare on his face, he couldn’t help but blush at the attention, faint taint coloring his cheeks. He was hoping Jaehyun wouldn’t notice, but he had the impression that the man was reading right through him and that he couldn’t hide anything from him, even if he tried. Why couldn’t he control his reactions? He was 22 for God’s sake, he should get a grip.

“So tell me Taeyong, by the sounds of your stomach I assume you also didn’t eat as well as you didn’t sleep. Is everything alright?” This man is straightforward, Taeyong thought. Should he be honest? Why does he care anyway? Well he said he is a doctor, that much Taeyong understood. Maybe he’s looking out for him, like he would do with any patient.

“It’s been a rough week, or well month... I’m not managing very well apparently.” He softly chuckled, rolling his eyes at himself while staring at his almost empty cup. Thinking about his complete lack of control over his life made him also realize how young he must appear in Jaehyun’s eyes. Still worrying about exams, deprived of sleep (and money), dressed in jeans and a green hoodie with sneakers. His almost white hair was probably a mess too, due to the fall. He couldn’t help but compare himself with the man in front of him, just centimeters apart, but in all honesty, so much out of his league that he seemed unreachable. He must think I’m a kid, a dumb kid who can’t even cope with himself- and maybe he’s right. While he was internally moping about his life, he didn’t notice that the older was trying to analyze his frown. He is so young, Jaehyun thought. He reminded him of himself when we was about to graduate. You could read on his face that there were still many things he had to experience. A voice inside his head screamed that he wanted to be one of them, but he shut it down immediately, because, _no_.

“If you’re finished, I’d like to make sure you don’t have a concussion, if you’d let me.” He was feeling protective over this boy, for some reason he didn’t want to decipher yet.

“Yes, right, thank you.” Jaehyun stood up and held out his hand to help him get out of the wooden booth.

“My clinic is near, I was stopping by before going to work when I saw you fainting. If you don’t mind we can go there, it’s just a two minutes walk from here.” Taeyong nodded fervently, and he must be crazy to follow a complete stranger into a building without any real assurance of his identity. But he felt like he could trust him with his life, and well, he did help him so that must count for something.

“Let me take your bag, do you have everything with you?” Taeyong was ready to protest, _he could carry his bag just fine, thank you_ , but the man insisted and he was still too tired to argue back. He also secretly liked being taken care of, but he wouldn’t admit it yet. While they were walking Taeyong took the opportunity to clear his head and just openly stare. He noticed he was carrying a black leather bag and that he had indeed a jacket, that he was holding with his left arm. His strides were long but his pace was relaxed, not wanting to rush in case Taeyong was still not feeling very well. People in the streets were turning their heads to look at them, _to look at him,_ they must be wondering why this model is walking around with a kid, Taeyong thought. Jaehyun stopped abruptly and pointed towards the tallest building in the area.

“We’re here. Take the elevator, 7th floor, then you wait there for me okay? I need to make a call.” Jaehyun passed him his bag, flashed him a smile and then turned around, fishing out his phone from his pocket.

Taeyong entered the elevator, watched him until the doors were closed and released a breath he didn’t notice he was holding. He was still very nervous for some reason, the building, the phone, the manners, him, all of it was screaming expensive. He exited and while he was waiting, he took in the surroundings. He saw a black door with a small golden plate reading “Dr. Jung Jaehyun”. It was so shiny that he could see his reflection on it. He grimaced at how bad his hair looked, sticking in all directions and using the plate as a mirror he tried to comb his hair running his fingers through the locks. In that moment a faint sound signaled someone reached the same floor. He turned around so suddenly he almost lost balance, and acted as nonchalantly as possible. Jaehyun was playing with a set of keys, twirling them around his index. He was so attractive with the simplest things that Taeyong couldn’t believe it as his breath was knocked out of him, _once again._ Was he even real? Was this really happening to him? He suddenly felt weak again, but this time for a completely different reason.

“Hi there, you okay? Come in.” He opened the door and held it for him to enter. He led him into a big work studio, clearly modern and recently furnished: there was a large desk with a pc, and a medical bed just beside it. Plants hanging from a shelf gave a warm and fresh atmosphere and the large window on the wall assured the right lighting for the room.

“You can sit there while I change.” He said, nodding towards the small bed. He obeyed immediately, feet dangling in the air. He started playing with the strings of his hoodie and then with the hem of his sleeves, long enough to cover half of his hands.

Jaehyun emerged from a small room on the side, dressed in a white coat, with a stethoscope hanging from his neck, replacing his tie. He was stunning, moving around with ease and confidence, stacking away papers, rearranging items on the desk, and typing fast on the keyboard. This place was clearly his element. He finally approached Taeyong, who was staring at his Converse, trying to keep himself occupied with something other than ogling at the doctor. He stopped right in front of him, he could feel he was really close, so close that Taeyong didn’t dare look up. Until Jaehyun took his chin between his fingers and lifted his head.

”Eyes up.” Taeyong’s breath faltered, but did what he was told.

“I need to check your reflexes, it’ll be a bit uncomfortable, but keep looking at me.” He raised a small flashlight and pointed it at both his eyes in turn, all the while keeping a firm grip on his chin to direct his face. Once Jaehyun made sure everything was alright, he deliberately took his time to stare into the younger’s eyes. They were a deep brown with strings of gold and green, like the heart of the woods when sunlight pierces through the thick leaves, illuminating the undergrowth with droplets of light. They still were very dark and the darkness increased when Taeyong’s pupils blew out and his eyes got even bigger at Jaehyun’s motions.

The older could stare at him for ages, Taeyong was, what most people would say, a doll. He probably didn’t even know how pretty he was, that he must turn heads on the street, and the fact that he was completely unaware of it rendered him even more attractive. And Jaehyun was sure that underneath that aura of innocence and youth he was probably hiding a snappier and biting side along with a range of witty remarks. Jaehyun was intrigued to say the least, the shyness Taeyong was displaying was making Jaehyun feel things he shouldn’t let himself feel. And he could sense how Taeyong was reacting to his every touch and movement, could feel the way he was holding his breath, the way his eyes widened, the way he blushed, the way he stuttered. To say he was pleased would be an understatement.

“Alright, everything seems just fine, now if you can lower your head a bit, I’ll take a look at the back to see if there are any injuries.” Taeyong had a hard time taking his eyes away from the intense stare Jaehyun was giving him just two seconds ago, but followed the instructions. He felt Jaehyun’s fingers running on the back of his hair, gently massaging where his head hit the floor.

“Nothing to worry about, I can give you some painkillers for your headache if you want, but I suggest you take a break from studying today to rest properly.” Taeyong was probably losing his mind, but he let himself imagine that the suggestion was more out of affection and worry than simply a medical advice.

“I‘ll take the painkillers, but I really cannot skip class today, or any day actually, end terms are nearing and- I just can’t.” He felt like he was letting Jeahyun down in some way.

“Don’t worry, I understand, trust me. Just be careful, sleep and food are important as much as your books, alright?” Taeyong was looking at him through his lashes, while Jaehyun was still standing right in front of him with his arms crossed and a look that wasn’t expecting ‘no’ as an answer.

“Of course, I will be careful. Thank you for everything Jaehyun. I really need to go now.”

“Yes, I’ll let you go.” Jaehyun handed him his bag and helped him get down from the bed. Once they were at the door Taeyong felt a source of gratefulness invading him. That, and he also didn’t really want to leave.

“I- I’m really thankful for what you did, you didn’t have to- I mean you did because you’re a doctor obviously, but I mean- you didn’t have to be that nice to me and you did so, yeah. Thank you.” If his professors could hear him right now, he would be expelled from his Literature course on the spot. Maybe the hit ruined his capacity of talking. Maybe Jaehyun did.

“That is my duty and responsibility. If you need help with anything else, you know where to find me now. Take care pretty.”  
  
And just like that Taeyong was walking down the stairs, late as hell for his lesson, with 14 missed calls from his friends, and a blush that was going to keep him company for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please, feedback is really important, I would love to read your comments! Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> Sending love, and stay safe everyone  
> Bye <3 Liz


	3. Loud and clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, new characters!! I used one of Mark’s iconic quotes, wait for it LOL 
> 
> LEAVE COMMENTS PLEASE
> 
> Love you all

When Taeyong enters the library, he immediately spots his friends, sitting around a table between piles and piles of books. Taeyong’s mood lifted even higher, if that was possible, considering that his mood has been pretty high all morning thanks to a beautiful stranger. He just couldn’t erase the smile from his face. Books always comforted him, and the smell of pages, even those with dust, was heaven for his senses, that’s why the library was one of his favorite places in his university, and the place where he knew he could find his friends too. Mark and Haechan were talking animatedly about something, while Johnny was massaging his temples, clearly done with the conversation.

“What if he’s dead?! We should call the police, I’m calling, I don’t car-“

“Haechan, for God’s sake, can you please calm down?! Put the damn phone away!” Mark snatched the phone from his friend’s hands, stopping him from dialing 112 just in time. Haechan pouted, looking cute as hell, arms crossed and glaring at Mark.

“It’s not like him to skip class. If he’s dead, I’m blaming it on you.”

“He’s not dead, why should he be dead?! He probably overslept. He’s probably sleeping right now.” Mark replied, trying to make the younger reason.

“Yeah, of course... sleeping forever” he pettily mumbled under his breath.

“What did you just say?!” Mark looked like he was ready to fight him.

“I said-“

“Alright children! Let’s drop it, he’s right here, look.” Johnny whispered-shouted, evidently exasperated, pointing his hand towards Taeyong, who was standing right beside the table and looking absolutely amused by the little exchange.

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Haechan screamed, slamming his hands on the table, making Johnny and Mark jump in surprise and getting the attention of the whole library.

Taeyong felt hundreds of eyes staring at him and tried to shush him, motioning with his hands to lower his voice.

“WE WERE WORRIED SICK!” He kept screaming.

“Haechan, could you be any louder? We cannot hear you. It’s not like we’re in a library anyway.” Mark ironically stated.

“With you I’m dealing later.” He said pointing his index towards Mark with a stern voice. The poor boy just rolled his eyes and dropped his head on his arms in defeat. He then turned to Taeyong.

“You. Explain. Now.” Haechan was looking at him with impatience, but Taeyong knew that his friend was only worrying -and overthinking- about him. He found that extremely cute.

“Okay, I will explain everything, but you promise me to not freak out.” He pointedly searched for his eyes to make sure the message was sent.

“I promise!” He half-shouted, again, making Taeyong wince. They were going to be kicked out soon.

“And you also promise to lower your voice?” Taeyong raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

“I promise.” Haechan whispered in tiny, curling on himself, and patting the sit next to him with a beaming smile, ready to listen. He was just a big baby with his purple hair and his loud personality, and Taeyong loved him that way. Mark was peeking through his arms and staring at the younger with fondness written all over his face. He was caught by Taeyong’s knowing glance and abruptly lowered his eyes, as if he was a servant caught red-handed by the royal guard while he was spying on the prince, ready to beg for forgiveness. Taeyong still wasn’t sure what was going on between the two, but it wasn’t his place to investigate. When and if Mark will be ready to tell him, he will be happy to listen.

“So? Are you going to tell us or do we have to force it out of you?” Haechan was a little shit.

“Yeah man, we called a billion times.” Johnny said with his usual calmness, but there was a strange desperation in his voice.

“Don’t leave me alone with this two _ever_ again. Please.” It was meant for Taeyong to listen, but it was intentionally loud enough to be heard by the others too. That earned him a frown from Mark and a not-so-friendly punch from Haechan.

Taeyong smiled. He loved them.

“I’m really sorry guys, I was in that cafe around the corner and I fainted-“

“YOU WHAT?” Heachan’s loud voice could be heard clearly in the silent room, resonating in every angle, interrupting any wave of thoughts in which people were immersed.  
Mark proceeded by shutting his mouth with his own hand, looking around apologetically.

“Are you even trying?” Mark whispered. Haechan blushed daintily, but quickly regained composure, removing Mark’s hand from his lips.

“Okay okay, I got it.” He raised his hands in defeat.

“What do you mean you fainted? Are you alright?” They were all looking at him with a worried expression.  
Taeyong sighed and a small sheepish smile was already forming on his face.

“Yeah, a doctor was there. He helped me, payed for breakfast, and offered me a full check-up n his private clinic.” A blush was quickly spreading on his cheeks.  
The inquisitive looks his friends were giving him made him feel under interrogation. Maybe he was.

“Wow, you were lucky, he seems really kind. Not everyone would’ve done the same.” Ah, Johnny and his naivety. Taeyong could fool him, but he couldn’t possibly fool Haechan, who was already giving him _the look_. Taeyong grimaced internally and prepared himself for what was surely coming.

“Mmh mmh, such a good person. What does he look like, Taeyongie? Is he handsome?” Haechan was smirking.

Taeyong groaned out loud and pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes. Was he being that obvious?

“Can you stop? He’s- he’s really nice, that’s it.” His reactions were clearly saying otherwise. He was getting so flustered just thinking about that morning, he was being ridiculous.

“Then why are you acting like a teenager with a crush on his teacher?” Haechan was intuitive, he had to recognize that.

“Because he’s older- wait, I don’t have a crush-“

“Wait a second, did you say he payed for your breakfast?” Mark asked, raising his head from his arms so fast that Taeyong was concerned for the physical condition of his neck.  
  
“Yeah?”

“Dude. He’s flirting.” He pronounced with the most serious face, as if he’s just discovered something big.  
  
“Thanks Mark, what would we do without you, you’re illuminating.” Haechan and sarcasm were best friends, particularly when Mark was involved.  
Mark only looked perplexed.

“Anyway, so when will we meet him?” Cheshire grin taking over his features.

“What- never, guys it’s not what you think, we just met on accident and he was kind enough to help me, I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.”  
Saying it out loud made him realize that it was probably the truth. And his mood was dropping by the second. Jaehyun would remain one of those precious encounters that you read about in books and stories, that you see on screen, but that in reality never has a happily ever after. He would treasure this day in his memories, reminiscing with sweetness the kind stranger who offered him a hand when he needed it. He was sulking already and Haechan noticed. Of course he did.

“Why though? I have an idea, why don’t you fake a bad flu and book a visit-“

“Haechannie, don’t take this personally but, are you on drugs?” Mark was staring with wide eyes, surprised at how the younger’s mind worked sometimes. Haechan looked affronted, exaggerating the reaction by bringing a hand on his chest.

“Oh, I’m sorry Mark if my enthusiasm for my friend with a crush offends you.”

Suddenly Johnny stood up, bag already on his shoulders.

“Okay this is enough, you two please get a room and solve this, I’m done.”

He was about to go, when Taeyong decided it was best for him and his mental health to follow him too. He glanced at his friends one last time, who were busy blushing furiously and not meeting eyes. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife and it was almost unbearable.

“Wait for me, lesson starts in about 15 minutes anyway. So yeah, let’s go. Guys, see you later?”

“I’m actually done for the day, so I’m heading home.” Mark replied.

Haechan was still stubbornly fixing his gaze on the table, drawing doodles on his paper with a blank expression, almost as if he was sad all of a sudden.

“Alright, we can hang out tonight if you want then. Haechan, what time do you finish dance practice today?” Taeyong asked to snap him out of his trance. He might be crystal clear for Haechan, but it was the same the other way around.

“Uhm, 8 p.m.” He replied, lacking his usual cheerfulness.

“Good, we can order something to eat together. Bye guysssss.”

Taeyong and Johnny started walking away together in the long corridors of the structure. Students were slowly filling the classes along the way.

“What’s going on between those two? They’ve always been friends, but lately all they do is fight and banter and bicker, and they look at each other like they want to rip their heads off.” Johnny finally pointed out the obvious. Well, not so obvious for him apparently.

“I honestly don’t know, I hope they figure it out somehow.” Taeyong knew their fighting was more like a _fake fighting_ , mostly playful, to hide something way deeper. But he also started to notice Haechan was getting more and more sensitive about the situation.

“Anywayyy, have you heard about the new course?” Johnny stopped and motioned for Taeyong the class where the English Literature course was about to start.

“No, what course?”

Taeyong had been so caught up in everything, exams, dance practice, work on the weekends, that he had very little time to keep up with anything else. He worked in a small library in the city center on Saturdays and Sundays, just to gain something to help his parents pay for his education, for his dorm and generally to feel a bit more independent.

“It‘s amazing, they decided to create a collaboration with med school. It’s about psycho-physiological reactions in Gothic and Romantic novels. It will be held by one of our professors and one from med school, to present us also with a more technical analysis of the work.”

“This sounds actually interesting, do I have to apply somewhere?”

“Yeah, it will start next week until the end of semester. Participating also gives you extra credits for the final work. Unfortunately I cannot attend, because of the baseball team you know. But I thought you might like it and I knew you were searching for something that could give you credits so I’d give it a chance.”

Taeyong was so thankful for Johnny and Mark and Haechan, he couldn’t have asked for better friends. They were always there for him and actually cared about him. It was reciprocal of course.

He jumped and hugged Johnny so hard his breath was knocked out of him.

“You’re the best! Thank you, I will apply after class.”

“Yeah I know I know I’m the best, what would you do without me?” He wiggled his eyebrows, feigning indifference.

“I don’t know, I really don’t know.” It was the truth, Taeyong needed Johnny in his life.

They took place in the back, since they were a bit late the room was already almost full.

“Anyway, about that doctor of yours, don’t you think there’s a way of meeting him again?” He asked nonchalantly, taking books and laptop out of his bag.

The question surprised Taeyong, Johnny wasn’t one to talk about relationships and anything even remotely romantic made him gag.

“I don’t think, unless I get really sick, but even in that case it wouldn’t be exactly the best way to meet him again. So yeah.”

“You never know.” Johnny raised his shoulders and ended the conversation.

The professor started speaking at the microphone about Mary Shelley, the whole room filling immediately with typing sounds, but all Taeyong could think of was a distant touch of fingers and a voice that was calling him pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEEDBACK GUYS 
> 
> -bye liz


	4. Blankets and Pages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! Sorry if it’s late but my exam session is about to start T.T
> 
> I was wondering, would you like to see more of Markyuck too? Like, do you want me to write some chapters about them too? Let me know!! I’d very much like that lol 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think, and if you have suggestions, I will read all of your comments. (add notes at the end)
> 
> :]

Winter was Taeyong’s favorite season. Christmas was just around the corner as well as his exams, but honestly those were omnipresent.  
He loved seeing the slow transformation of the city landscape. The sky was always of a blinding white, promising to share its colour with the city below, covering it with a thin sheet of snow, still too delicate to resist the steps of unknowing people. Streets were starting to shine with small twinkle lights, shops were adorning their mannequins with green and red and gold, the atmosphere was glinting with frost and with that feeling of warmth everyone shares despite the biting coldness of the air.  
Everything was bathed in a gilded veil of hope and delight.  
Taeyong was constantly in the mood of cozy coffee shops, a warm blanket with a hot chocolate and melting marshmallows.

It was during this period that Taeyong missed his family the most. He visited his parents once in a while, when his schedule was permitting, and he was glad they were so understanding, always supporting his decisions, because they trusted him and they knew he was putting all of his efforts in his studies. He wanted to make them proud.

His sister however was living in the States and seeing her was becoming more and more difficult. She was his strength, and now he could talk to her only through a screen, it wasn’t enough and it will never be. Last time he felt her warmth under his fingers was at the airport, when she was leaving for Chicago, with his hands curled into fists on her shirt, not wanting to let go. He only let one tear leave his eyes that evening, he wanted to show her he was strong enough, even without her, that he would fight and stand for himself if he needed to, that he would find power within himself from now on. He silently cried to himself that night, he didn’t know when he could see her again.

Taeyong was many things. He was smart, he was generous, he was incredibly passionate about everything he loved, but sometimes he needed encouragement, he needed someone who believed in him when he found it hard to believe in himself.

Taeyong was lucky enough to find a second family in his friends. The first year they spent Christmas together, they ended up playing “deer pong” (the name was kindly offered by Mark because he was the king of lame jokes) and with the empty bottles of beer they half-drunk built a half-tilted Christmas tree, decorated with fairy lights and even a shiny star on the top. It soon became a tradition, and Taeyong couldn’t wait to start Christmas shopping to shower his friends with gifts and love. He was that affectionate.

Usually they held the party at his dorm because he was the only one who was living alone. This year though, a new roommate was assigned to him, Taeyong didn’t mind being alone but he also didn’t mind having some company, and Ten revealed himself to be a really respectful roommate and a nice person to live with. He was clean, kind, beautiful and fucking crazy. In no particular order, meaning he was all the things together and at the same time. That kind of craziness that leaves you stammering “ _w-what_ " because you find him in the kitchen at 6 a.m. half-naked while he’s washing his socks in the sink, but he also cooked pancakes for you so you just shrug and accept him the way he is.

That evening of late November, Taeyong was heading to work after a long session of dance practice. He was beyond exhausted, his sleeping routine was still a mess because more often than not he would find himself staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m. unable to close his eyes for more than three or four hours.  
The slight breeze of the night, although almost imperceptible, was enough to make Taeyong shiver. He rubbed his hands together and blowed hot breath on them, readjusting his scarf to protect his face from the cold, which was no doubt starting to get ruddy.  
He looked around while walking, stealing glances from the passersby, addressing small smiles from time to time. He was unconsciously hoping to stumble across a familiar pair of eyes, to feel them burning up his skin and making his insides knot pleasantly. The impossibility of his desires hit him when a rush of wind slipped through in his coat making him tremble in discomfort.

When he entered in the small library, warmth enveloped him like a blanket and he sighed in relief. There were a few people, but it was never really busy on a Sunday night.  
The “Minotaur“ was almost entirely made of wood. And because of that it was also creaking everywhere. You could tell if someone was walking down the aisles and almost spot exactly where they were. Taeyong wouldn’t say it was _old_ , he preferred to say it had a vintage atmosphere.

The creaking of the stairs announced him before he even made himself visible.

“Hey sleeping beauty, how are you feeling today?” Doyoung shouted. His co-worker was always ready to tease him with a smirk plastered on his face.

“You’re lucky it’s me and not a client, also just because I fell asleep once, you don’t have to call me that all the time. When are you going to drop it?” He placed his bag on a wooden chair behind the counter.

“Never, besides I can tell it’s you by your steps, you always take two at a time.” He smiled full of affection, while reordering some books on a shelf.

Taeyong sighed in fake exasperation, but he secretly enjoyed their bantering. Doyoung really made his shifts way funnier and well, he helped him also stay awake. Except for that one time, when he fell asleep between the shelves. But no one had to know. Especially his boss.

Doyoung was everything Taeyong wasn’t. Outgoing, social, confident, funny and really handsome.  
At first Taeyong thought he kind of had a crush on him, because his constant teasing could’ve been easily mistaken for flirting, and Taeyong was never really good at telling the two things apart. The got along really well, but in the end Taeyong realized that his feelings for him were mostly friendly. He never revealed to him his almost-crush, knowing Doyoung would never let him see the end of it. Two years have passed and he became an important presence in Taeyong’s everyday life. He introduced him to his circle not long ago and he blended in so wonderfully that he became an essential part of the group almost immediately.

“How was dance practice?” Doyoung asked.

“Pretty hard to be honest. I don’t know if our choreographer is getting harsher or I’m just getting older.” He groaned in pain, while stretching his back with his arms in the air.

“Definitely the latter. You may be 22, but you look like you need a crutch to walk. Does your back hurt when you stand up too?” He said with mirth in his eyes and a high-pitched voice.

“Ah ah very funny. May I remind you you’re older than me?”

“Only legally. I’m a young spirit, mentally you’re basically a 50 years old. You’re just hiding your true self under a young body.”

Taeyong only laughed, too tired to search for a smart reply.

One hour and countless yawns later, with dark circles under his eyes, he eyed his bag on the chair, half open, and saw three books peaking out from the mess that it contained, heavy as much as he felt. He had to read them for the literature exam, it was in about two weeks. They were staring at him with an accusatory look, still untouched and smelling of new paper and distress.  
Doyoung must have noticed the anxiety flashing on his face.

“Are you okay?” His voice concerned.

“Yeah, it’s just, I’m so tired and I still have to study and read so much, it gets a bit overwhelming.” He admitted shyly.

He could trust Doyoung with his problems without feeling like a burden.

“You can go home today if you want, I will cover for you, don’t worry, but you need to sleep alright?”

Taeyong didn’t know what he deserved to have so many wonderful people in his life. He was thankful, he didn’t know who he needed to thank, maybe he’ll go to church and light some candles in thanksgiving. Taeyong started with thanking Doyoung though, and proceeded by collecting his things.

When he reached his dorm, he found the flat empty, Ten was probably still studying at his friends for a group project.  
Taeyong hadn’t decorated the living room yet, and he made a mental note to do it sooner rather than later. He could ask Haechan to help him, he was always overly excited when it came to Christmas decorations.

After a well-deserved shower, he decided to get under the covers and start reading. The cozy pillows and the contrast between the warmth of his room and the sharp cold that was muting the outside made him feel comfy and relaxed, ready to get lost in lines and words.

_“There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand...Shall I meet you again,_ _after having traversed immense seas?_ “

Taeyong tried to prevent his mind from wondering too far, from reaching levels of speculation that were sublime, but surely a source of sadness and disillusionment.  
But he was already too immersed in those immense seas, too lost in wanting something he didn’t even know nor comprehend.

Why was it almost impossible for him to stop thinking about him? Did he dream the connection he felt between them? What if they met again one day only to find out it was too late?

Maybe it already was. Jaehyun was probably engaged, or married even. He was mature, he had a job, he was caring and handsome, no way he was still single.

A pang of unjustified jealousy made him suddenly uncomfortable. How could he feel so much for a stranger was beyond Taeyong’s reason, and it made him restless.

He closed the book, resting it on the bedside table.

He looked out the window, the dark sky dimly illuminated by the city lights.  
He wondered what Jaehyun was doing, if he was sleeping or if work was stealing his time. With those thoughts and infinte words intertwining in his mind, he let himself fall in Morpheus’ arms.

Shall he meet him again?

~  
  


Jaehyun was typing away on his laptop, adding details, correcting mistakes of his presentation for tomorrow morning. It was 12 a.m., but he was almost done.

He loved his work, loved the feeling of helping who’s in need of it, but mostly it fascinated him. He was already a doctor, he was lucky enough to open a personal clinic, and he was now specializing to become a mental health professional. He had already accomplished many things, by publishing articles, working with known professionals, he also spent one year abroad, in Switzerland, to participate in a research project.

Since he graduated with top grades _cum laude_ , he still had connections with his former university, Prof. Kurth was still not ready to let go probably the best student he’s ever had. He helped him with his final project and was still helping him with his researches on mental stability. Prof. Kurth was not so subtly offering Jaehyun a future position as a professor at med school, or rather as his successor considering he was about to retire. So, when he asked him to hold a course for the students of the second year, he was not surprised. What really surprised him though was that it was a course for the Literature department. 

“I know as a man of science, you probably have many questions. Let me explain. You know that the maxim of our University Ensemble is ‘-synergy-’, we should therefore take concrete steps to achieve this synergy, make it tangible. As you know, we believe human knowledge is a conglomerate of many atoms, which are all connected to each other. Brönte, Shelley, Austen, they all seem far too distant from the scientific field, don’t they? Well, that is not entirely true, and we want to demonstrate how they are, in fact, relying, for some aspects, on each other.”

Jaehyun was always mesmerized by Prof. Kurth speeches, he was able to emanate his immense wisdom to everyone who was lucky enough to listen.

He was nodding, urging the professor to go on, his interest already picked.

“You’ve heard of psycho-physiological reactions I’m sure, and this course wants to analyse from a medical and technical perspective this kind of real-life reactions in novels. I find it extremely interesting and exquisitely oxymoronic to offer Shakespeare’s disciples an objective explanation of the characters’ behaviors.” He finished with a chuckle, Kurth found the idea strangely entertaining.

“Of course, it would help you with your researches too. So what do you think, Jaehyun?”

He was yet not accustomed to being called by name by his ex professor, a form of respect, due to the age and the knowledge, prevented him from being openly informal with him.

The older was looking at him with pride and hope. Who was Jaehyun to let him down.

“Should I start reading Pride and Prejudice?” He answered with a wide smile.

“That’s the spirit. The course starts in two weeks, you will be assisted by Prof. Fillton, she’s the head of the English Literature department. She will give you all the information about titles and so. I know you will love this. Maybe you will fall in love with literature too. It’s not bad to find new interests.” He winked. 

On Thursday when he went to the Literature wing of the campus to have a meeting with Prof. Fillton, he could swear he caught a glimpse of a familiar mop of white hair strolling down the corridor and stopped in his tracks. But when he tried to spot him between the waves of students, he had already disappeared. Jaehyun was sure he had imagined him. It was not the first time either.

Once he was satisfied with the presentation, he saved the file in the usb pendrive and closed his laptop. The course will start at 9 a.m. in the morning, he was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote is from "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley, I do not own it. 
> 
> Leave comments!! Next chapter, they’re going to start gravitating around each other ;) 
> 
> also if you do comment, let me know your nationality, I'm curious to see how many international fans we have here. I am myself italian. 
> 
> Stay safe and sending love <3


	5. Hide and seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Back with the update, it took me sometime to express what I wanted. Hope you're excited as I am for these two. Please, let me know in the comments if you guys want me to write some chapters on Markhyuck too! and feedback is always important, I need to know if I'm heading in the right direction.   
> I'd also like to know your nationality, to see how many international fans there are!   
> i am Italian <3
> 
> Enjoy!   
> Liz

Why was Taeyong late that morning? Well- he had his reasons. And his reasons were a serie of unfortunate and sad coincidences.

First of all, Ten fell asleep in the bathroom and it took Taeyong 15 minutes to wake him up, banging on the door repeatedly, probably waking the neighbors in the process. The upcoming condominium meeting was going to be fun. Thanks to Ten, he missed the only bus that took him to the campus every morning, it wasn’t a long journey but walking in the morning in December? No, thank you. So yes, now he had to walk. Fast. Very fast.

Then Haechan called him. He promised him to bring him coffee and now he couldn’t refuse. Actually, he wasn’t in the mood for a grumpy Haechan, so he stopped by that cafe around the corner, where he fainted two weeks and three days ago. Or four. He was not keeping track since that fateful day. Not at all.

Once he entered, he had a slow motion moment, images and silhouettes flying around his head, he replayed the whole scene in his mind. The hard and cold floor, the table on the left, warm hands and kind smiles, the aroma lingering in the air. He snapped out of his trance when he heard his name being called. An ice cold americano for Haechan and a black tea for him. He started drinking tea on the regular and found that Jaehyun was right. Tea really helps you get through the day.

He checked the time and found out he was terribly, _no_ , apocalyptically late. The main problem was that he already knew that it was almost impossible to find a place to sit now. When he applied he was shocked to see the amount of students interested in this course. He really didn’t want to sit on the stairs or on the floor for two hours, his back was wouldn’t like it one bit. He didn’t have a choice, he only had one last hope.

He called Johnny.

“Why do I have the feeling that you’re going to make me do something I really do not want to do?” That’s the first thing he said, and Taeyong grimaced internally and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Okay okay, listen, you can say no, but I’d really appreciate and love you if you’d say yes.” He was ready to beg if needed.

“Not enough, tell me more.” The nerve, Taeyong thought.

“I bought you tea.” Taking a sip of said tea, he was already regretting giving it up, but he needed Johnny to agree.

“Sold!” He cleared his throat.

“Good morning, this is Johnny’s helping center, how may I help you?” Why were all his friends so dramatic?

“Yeah yeah, cut it, I’m late as fuck, lesson starts in 10 minutes and the room is probably, or surely already full. Can you go-“

“Why are you this late? Did you faint again?”

“What? No, I’m almost there, I just- I will tell you later, my roommate- and then Haechan- okay listen, can you just please I don’t know like put your bag on a seat and tell everyone to fuck off?” He was having a hard time holding two hot cups in each hand, heavy backpack slowing him down, and the phone squished between his cheek and his shoulder.

“So you want me to reserve you a seat?”

“Exactly, please?” He heard some rustling, waiting for an answer.

“Okay, I will go, but if I can’t find one, it’s not my fault, understood? Also, I want my tea.” Taeyong sighed in relief.

He could finally see the gates of the campus, he was trying really hard not to slip on the iced concrete with his fast pace.

“Yes yes of course, thank you, I love you.” He hung up and put his phone in his back pocket, trying not to spill the beverages on the ground.

First stop was Haechan, damn him and his coffee. The Economy department was literally on the opposite side from the Literature one. He was speeding off in the corridors, silently cursing slow walkers and push-and-pull doors that were not collaborating. Once he spotted a purple haired head, he zigzagged between groups of people and almost collided with Haechan. He extended the still steaming cup to his surprised face, panting slightly.

“No questions, just take it, I need to leave.” He pushed the cup into his empty hands, liquid threatening to spill out.

“Okay? Took you long enough.” The boy smirked and Taeyong was close to combusting on the spot, but he didn’t even have the time to get angry.

“Bye.” He seethed while turning around and marching off, hands fisted into balls.

He heard Haechan shouting a faint ‘thank you babes’ in the distance, and kept walk-running to reach his class.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he unlocked it and saw a message from Johnny.

“I found a spot, at the front, take it or leave it.” He read and typed a fast reply. He wasn’t really in the place to be picky. He actually didn’t mind being in the front, it was easier for him to listen and pay attention.

When he finally reached the floor indicated on his application paper, he saw that the doors were already closed and he could hear someone speaking in the microphone. The plate on the outside read ‘Prof. Fillton and J. Jung, Room IV'. Yes, he was in the right place.

He mentally prepared himself before walking inside. Once he entered, he could feel hundreds of eyes staring at him, he ducked his head in embarrassment, trying to avoid looking directly at someone, scanning the room in search of Johnny. Fortunately, students were still positioning and settling in their spots, opening laptops, turning pages, and whispering. Chattering was slowly quieting down when he reached Johnny, who promptly took his almost cold tea from his hand and stood up, making space for Taeyong.

“What did I miss?” He whispered before Johnny could go away.

“You’re lucky, the professors were late too, they just prepared the projector and basically told everyone to shut up.” He waved while taking the stairs and walking towards the exit.

Taeyong kept his gaze on Johnny until he closed the door behind his back, then he started unpacking. He looked around and took in his surroundings.

The guy sitting next to him was already opening his Netflix account and scrolling through the latest episodes of Game of Thrones. He smiled to himself and pretended he didn’t notice. On his left, a girl was decorating the headlines and the sides of her notes with doodles and arrows, a range of multi-colored highlighters neatly ordered on her desk. He looked down at his old notes and furrowed his brows, his handwriting was certainly not elegant and tidy, but he always admired those who spent time on the aesthetic aspect of their notebooks. And that is also why he preferred using his laptop, so he didn’t have to worry about not understanding anything he wrote when he had to study.

He heard the familiar voice of Prof. Fillton briefly introducing herself. He was typing the date at the beginning of his page (was it the 2nd or the 3rd?), when he finally registered what the feminine voice was saying.

“Since you all know me already, I’ll let young Jaehyun here explain the course for you.”

He stopped abruptly and stared at his screen. Could it be? It couldn’t. His brain worked miles a minutes and suddenly everything made sense. A doctor from med school and the plate outside sounded familiar ‘Jung’- no no no. How did he not glance once at the front desk? How did he not notice?

“Hello everyone, I’m Dr. Jung Jaehyun, but please just call me Jaehyun because I’m not much older than you and ‘Dr.’ just makes me feel ancient.” Laughter resonated through the room, and Taeyong was still frozen on the spot.

He recognized the deep voice that addressed him three weeks ago. He was still staring at the black line of the cursor appearing and disappearing on the white screen, when he forced himself to look up.

His breath itched in his throat when his eyes suddenly found Jaehyun’s gaze on him. He heard him falter in his speech, almost stopping, a look of surprise on his features signaled he recognized him. Taeyong could feel his eyes bore into his soul, and he couldn’t help but blush vividly, his lips parted to regain control of his breathing. There was a silent and invisible electric spark passing through them, Taeyong felt as if there was no one else in the room.

Jaehyun cleared his throat, finally tearing his eyes away from Taeyong, and resumed his speech as if nothing happened. He sucked in a breath, willing himself to calm down. It was easier said than done, since the only thing he could hear was the sweet voice of the doctor dripping in his ears, he couldn’t even make out the meaning of his words. All he could think about was how his fingers felt on his face.

He squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his face behind the monitor. He couldn’t possibly have inappropriate thoughts on Jaehy-, _on his professor_.

He could feel his heart pounding on his cheeks, and he cursed internally because he was close enough to the desk that it was impossible for Jaehyun not to notice.

And he did notice. He was shocked at first, but it made sense, Taeyong told him he was a student. _Taeyong_. He couldn’t forget just how lovely he was, but it still surprised him. He stood out in the crowd of students without even trying, with his white grayish hair, fringe falling softly on his forehead, and his big doe eyes staring at him under his glasses. And of course his permanent blush adorning his cheekbones and his ears. He was prettier than most girls, and Jaehyun had to restrain himself from continuously stealing glances at the boy.

Taeyong was not dealing with the situation better. He forced himself to look at the screen, trying to concentrate and take decent notes on Catherine Earnshaw (or was it Linton?), failing miserably. His sentences were lacking sense.

He glanced at Jaehyun once and rapidly averted his gaze when Jaehyun caught him gaping, smirking subtly while Prof. Fillton was continuing her explanation.

Taeyong debated his options. Leave the room, the course and search for something else, or stay and suffer. But he really liked the course, and it was probably too late now to make changes in his career. He could do it. He had to.

Jaehyun was standing on the side, while letting Prof. Fillton fill in with literary details. He was wearing a baby blue shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his hands were resting casually in his pockets. He screamed confidence and Taeyong could feel everyone’s eyes glued to him, adoring him, people whispering and giggling about the new hot professor. The girl next to him even stopped drawing and highlighting, a hand placed under her chin and heart eyes focused on him. He really couldn’t blame her.

The fact that he could feel Jaehyun’s eyes on him from time to time was not helping his concentration. He bit his lower lip and tried to clear his mind, to think of something else, anything. The pain coming from his teeth digging in the soft flesh was a nice distraction for now.

In that moment, he lost control of his own resolution and glanced up, finding Jaehyun looking at him with an intensity that made Taeyong swoon in his seat, and there was a challenge in his eyes that forced him to hold the stare. Taeyong felt as if they were playing a silent game, but he was not sure what were the rules, and what would happen to the one who looses.

Jaehyun hinted at a smile, imperceptible but still there, and his gaze darkened, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Taeyong didn’t stand a chance. He dropped his eyes as if he stared at the sun for too long, and now they were hurting. He started playing with his fingers, head hung low surrendering. He was flaming inside out, squirming in his seat, bouncing his leg rhythmically. The guy next to him must have noticed his distress because he paused the episode he was watching to ask him if he was alright.

Jaehyun was simply enjoying the view. It was obvious what kind of effect he had on the younger, but watching him blushing furiously for 2 hours straight just because of his presence was maddening. And it shouldn’t. He was too young, and on top of that he was now his student. He was responsible and promised himself to keep a professional behavior as long as he was working between these walls. With these thoughts in his mind, he put on a straight face and continued his lesson, passionately showing graphics and drawings to better explain bodily reactions. The class seemed interested and that spurred him on to work even harder.

Taeyong was not so patiently waiting for the lesson to finish, he managed to type down the last part of the explanation, finally gaining control over his own reactions. Tsk, how ironic. He was sure that his uncontrollable red face would make Catherine bow down in shame.

“Alright everyone, that’s it for today. Make sure you read chapter 5 and 6 for the next lesson, which will be, as I’m sure you know, on Wednesday at 5 p.m. in this same room.” Prof. Fillton and Dr. Jung dismissed the class and started shutting off the projector, while conversing quietly.

Students flowed out the room, Taeyong among them, in need of fresh air and water. His throat was dangerously dry.

He made a beeline to the nearest bathroom, finding it empty and sighing in relief. He placed both hands on the edge of the sink, watching himself in the mirror. There was still a trace of a blush high on his cheeks, and his eyes were shiny. He passed a hand through his fringe and breathed deeply.

He placed his glasses on the sink and bent over to splash some water on his face, rubbing his hands over his eyes. He heard the door of the bathroom open and then close, and saw Jaehyun reflected on the mirror, with his bag hunched over his shoulder. They locked eyes through the glass, surprised just like the first time.

Taeyong lowered his hands slowly and swiftly turned around, an almost scared expression on his face.

“H-Hi. I’m not sure you remember, you probably don’t, b-but I’m the one who fainted three weeks ago? Yeah-“

“Taeyong. Of course I remember.” Jaehyun addressed him a small smile.

Taeyong closed his mouth, he really should stop stuttering. Jaehyun was even more beautiful up close, and if Taeyong had a hard time thinking before, now he had a hard time -breathing-, let alone talking.

“Do you?” He was genuinely curious, Jaehyun must meet and talk with a lot of people due to his profession, and he even remembered his name.

“Your name is Taeyong, isn’t it? Yes, I remember silly.” His voice was full of softness, the same softness that made Taeyong feel safe and cared of on their previous encounter.

“Yes, I’m Taeyong, and you are Jaehyu- no wait, Dr. Jung-“ he realized halfway that he couldn’t be informal around Jaehyun anymore.

“No please, you can call me Jaehyun, especially you. By the way, how is your head? Did you recover well?” Jaehyun was already getting closer, almost wanting to check for himself. Then he stopped as if remembering where he was.

Taeyong stared at the floor, feeling his palms sweat, and his ears burn. He was so obvious, Jaehyun must have known by now. Was he laughing at him? Was he treating him like a child? Why did he care anyway?

“Yeah, it’s alright really. I’m okay.” He replied. His head was okay, but he was not. Staying with Jaehyun in such close proximity was really not an ideal situation. He was giving himself away too easily.

“I should’ve imagined you studied Literature, it fits you.” He said matter-of-factly.

“Really? Why?” Taeyong couldn’t help himself but ask.

“You seem really reflexive and creative, and sometimes you remind me of a fairytale character.” It seemed as if Jaehyun was teasing him, wanting to see his reaction.

“I’m not a damsel in distress, if that’s what you’re hinting at.” Taeyong replied with a light biting tone. He was fully able to stood up for himself.

“That’s not what I meant. But I wouldn’t mind helping you if you needed. Do you like the course so far?” That challenge back in his eyes.

“Yes, it’s really captivating, and it’s different from what I’ve studied so far. Not gonna lie, it will be difficult for me to remember all those scientific names.” He laughed at himself, covering his mouth with his hand.

Jaehyun didn’t reply, instead he kept looking at him with a sort of longing in his eyes, clearly conflicted. Taeyong noticed, not really sure what he was expecting, but still expecting an answer.

“Did I say something wrong?” Uncertainty taking over his features.

“No, I’m sorry, as I said if you need help or anything related to the course, I’d be happy to help you. Now, I’m sure you have another lesson to attend, right?”

“Y-yeah, I’d better go. It was nice meeting you again Prof- Jaehyun.” He corrected himself, still feeling a bit uneasy calling him by name.

He started walking away, but when he was about to push the door open, he felt a firm hand grabbing his arm and stopping him from going further. Jaehyun turned him around.

“You forgot your glasses.” Taeyong didn’t get what Jaehyun was saying, until he saw the older placing his glasses gently upon his nose. His knuckles lightly grazed his cheeks, before retiring completely. He looked up to Jaehyun with wide eyes, unable to move.

“Better now?” He’s never been this close.

“Yes, t-thank you.” He didn’t know how much time passed before Jaehyun spoke again.

“Good, go now.” Taeyong obeyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaaah, finally they met again. aaaah, I'm excited. please leave COMMENTS ! writers with feedback are productive writers ;)
> 
> until next time, byeee  
> sending love <3
> 
> liz


	6. Hysterical and beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update <3
> 
> thank you for your comments and your kudos, they are always appreciated<3

theboyz :]

Me: _you guys won't believe what just happened_

Haechan: _WHAT_

Doyoung: _it's only 11 a.m._

Haechan: _what's your point dy_

Mark: _we're waiting for you, quick I'm hungry_

Haechan: _there are more important matters at hand Mark_

Me: _I'm on my way_

Taeyong still couldn't believe what happened that morning in class, and as much as he wanted to be cool about it, he couldn't even stop thinking about it, about _him_. When he left the bathroom, it took him 15 minutes to calm down, after Jaehyun practically caressed his cheeks in such a tender way Taeyong's insides were turning into jelly. Was that inappropriate? What play was he playing? Maybe he was overthinking the whole situation. Yes, Jaehyun has only been kind to him, returning him his glasses that he so foolishly forgot in the heat of the moment. 

He couldn't wait to tell his friends, not to gossip about him, but to ask for _help_. He so desperately needed help and reassurance that he could manage with this whole drama without losing his mind. 

When he entered the cantine, he immediately spotted his group, they've been using the same table for two years now. He approached them and plopped down on a chair, interrupting whatever conversation was going on between them. Naturally, Haechan was the first one to speak, or rather, to assault him with questions. 

"So? What happened? Didn't you have lesson this morning? The new course?" Everybody was giving him their full attention. 

"Yeah, did you fight with your desk-mate or something? That guy seemed nice, and he was watching Game of Thrones, that's a bonus." Johnny chimed in, picking with his fork at a piece of salad on his plate. 

"Yeah, no, about that, about that lesson... do you guys remember I fainted and then a doctor helped me and brought me to his clinic, and...yeah, well uhm- turns out he doesn't only work as a doctor but also as a professor and he may or may not be my new professor." He finished, taking the straw between his lips, sipping his drink aggressively. 

Mark looked confused back and forth the mischievous smile on Haechan's face and Johnny's surprised reaction. 

"...is there a problem with that?" This guy was oblivious. Haechan turned to face him with a disbelieving expression. 

"Do you still not get it? Really Mark?" Taeyong wondered if Haechan was exclusively talking about him, or if he was also referring to something else. Johnny only huffed, uncapping his water bottle and taking a long swig. 

"What is there to get?" Mark was starting to feel left out. 

"He likes him." Haechan pronounced as if he was explaining a basic simple thing to a child. 

"Well, now, I don't like _like_ him, he's just really handsome and charming-" Taeyong was blushing like crazy. 

"Oh, I was not talking about you, but about him. The doctor clearly likes _you_ , but now we know you do too. Geez, this is fabulous." Haechan was clapping his hands in excitement. 

"What? How can you be so sure?" Taeyong furrowed his brows. 

"No stranger gives free check-ups in his private clinic to other strangers." Haechan stated, taking a bite from his sandwich. 

"That's _his job._ He did it because of his job-"

"Yeah, whatever, we'll see who's right."

"If it's the guy I saw while waiting for you in that class, he's _really_ handsome." Johnny teased him. "He seems to come out from a modeling magazine." 

"Yeah, that's Jaehyun." Taeyong regretted saying his name on the spot. 

"You're already calling him by name, cute." Mark was snickering now, almost choking on his last bite of chicken.

"Can we stop talking about my new _professor_?" He accentuated the last word, looking straight at Haechan to discourage any kind of scenarios he was producing in his mind. Telling his friends has been a terrible, terrible idea. 

"Well, I actually have to go now. If you're free later, or tonight, just send a message in the group." Johnny looked expectantly at Mark. 

"Oh, yes, right, I have to go too, we need to practice for the baseball match this weekend. I'm actually really nervous. You two will come cheer for us, right?" Mark stole a glance at Haechan, and then focused on collecting his tray and backpack, not daring to look in the younger's eyes. 

Haechan seemed lost in thought for a second, watching as Mark was starting to stand up from the table. Taeyong elbowed him in the ribs and finally shook him out of his trance. 

"Of course we will." Haechan blurted at last, with a blush on his cheeks. He quickly regained composure and searched for Mark's face. "I wouldn't miss it."

Mark nodded awkwardly and just waved at them while reaching Johnny at the exit door. 

Taeyong heard Haechan sigh and staring blankly at his now almost empty plate, while swirling the liquid in his glass. He seemed lost in thought. Taeyong wondered for a second if it was the right moment to talk about it, but finally his instincts told him that his friend needed him, even if he never told him anything. 

"I think you should tell him." He stated quietly. 

Haechan snapped his head up, eyes like a deer in headlights. He gulped and laughed nervously. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Mark." Taeyong looked at him with soft eyes, he wanted Haechan to feel comfortable around him, wanted him to know he could talk with him about anything and everything, he would never judge him. 

Haechan sucked in a quick breath, body going stiff, eyes fixed on the crumbles scattered on the table. Then his shoulders visibly relaxed, he breathed out and raised his eyes, a sad expression washing over his face. 

"Is it that obvious?" He asked shyly. He was playing with his hands on the table, picking at his nails, clearly nervous. Taeyong extended his right hand and put it on top of Haechan's to stop him from trembling, to give him courage. 

"It is maybe for me, because I know both of you. You know you can talk to me right? What is going on?" He swiped his thumb on Haechan's hands, trying to comfort him. 

"Well- since you noticed, no need to hide anymore, actually I was thinking to tell you because I'm honestly losing my mind." He seemed stressed, and Taeyong just nodded, waiting for him to continue. 

"So, evidently it's obvious I -uhm- like him, and I have for a while too, actually I don't remember a time I _didn't_ like him, I don't even know when or how it happened, I just know that one day two years ago something in my head just clicked and then I was sure I liked him. The thing is... the thing that's messing with my mind is that- I don't understand, because sometimes I feel like he might actually like me back, but other times he's just- it seems like he's ignoring me on purpose, and sometimes I think he knows, he _has_ to know, and other times he just seems so oblivious to everything, and when it seems I actually made some step forwards to understand the whole thing, he makes two steps backwards and I'm always left confused and tired. So tired." It seemed like Haechan was getting a huge weight off his shoulders. It must've been hard for him keeping all of this to himself for almost two years.

Taeyong just listened carefully to his friend, reassuring him as much as he could with his eyes. 

"Have you ever thought of simply telling him?" 

"Yes, I did, many times, many times I was on the point of telling him, but something always held me back. You know, because I'm not sure what he's thinking and what he's feeling, I'm always scared he would be, I don't know, disappointed, and that would ruin everything." He almost whispered the last part and Taeyong noticed his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. 

"Taeyong... the thing is, I tried... I tried to stop thinking about him that way, to convince myself he's just my best friend, but I just can't, and I don't want to. But I also don't want to lose him, I couldn't accept it. One day, one month ago, we almost... I thought then I could tell him, but then he disappeared for a week, and I just let it go. I'm just- exhausted, and I don't know what to do." He finished, a single tear escaped from his eye and was running down his skin, he rapidly wiped it away. 

"Haechan I think you should give this thing an ultimatum. Not to him, but to yourself. I don't think it's healthy for you to constantly feel this way around him. You should consider what is more important to you, I know that he's an importante presence in your life, but if he makes you this stressed, you should take a step back. Think about yourself first." Taeyong paused trying to decipher Haechan's expression. 

"And besides, I honestly think he likes you too, he's just... confused, or scared, maybe he's feeling all of these things too." Realization appeared on the younger's features.

"I never thought about it... it's just, when we're together I just forget about it all, because he seriously makes me happy." The sincerity in Haechan's voice made Taeyong smile. He was sure the two would eventually find each other. A pang of an unknown feeling spread in his chest. Was it envy? How he wished to have something like that.

"I'm glad to hear that, just think about it, alright? It's your choice, and remember I'm always here for you, whatever happens." Haechan abruptly stood up from his chair and crashed Taeyong into a hug across the table, almost knocking off the glasses in the process. Taeyong made a noise of surprise, ultimately letting himself relax and hugging the younger even tighter. 

"Thank you." Haechan whispered in his ear and Taeyong heard him sniffling, while he stroked his hair gently. 

"It's okay, you're okay, you know I love you Hyuck." They must have realized then that they were in a very awkward position and, on top of that, that they were in the middle of the cantine, people were probably starting to stare. They let go of each other and agreed that they had to go, their own 2 hours dance practice was waiting for them (and their choreographer too). 

Haechan looked visibly more relaxed, his usual euphoric attitude back in full force. 

"Let's go, don't think for a second that I'm going to let go the whole 'crush on professor' situation. I want to gossip about him too while we're stretching, I want to know everything-"

"It's not like I know him Hyuck, I just talked to him twice..." It was true, he really didn't know him, his mind reminded him. He didn't know how to feel about that. 

"Wait, twice? When was the second time?" Taeyong really should stop serving information to Haechan on a silver plate. He mentally slapped himself, but he had to reply now. 

"Well, this morning... in the bathroom-" 

"WHAT?" 

_

The days went by between pizza and movie nights, dance and baseball practices, books of the university library and books in the “Minotaur”, where he worked. Taeyong was so caught up in things that he almost forgot about Jaehyun working as his professor. _Almost_. Almost because, who was he kidding, Jaehyun occupied most of his thoughts whenever he got some free time. Whenever he zoned out during his lessons. Whenever he was trying to fall asleep. It was consuming. And the fact that he had to face him every Wednesday was not helping. Neither his thoughts nor his crush-induced anxiety. 

On top of that, he received on Friday an email by ' _Dr. J. Jung_ ' saying that they all had to complete an assignment due next week. The first time Taeyong read the sender of the email, his heart dropped wondering how in the world did Jaehyun have his email contact. Then he remembered that he was a student, and that all of their professors had access to their university emails to tell them announcements or so. 

" _Good morning everyone. I'm writing to tell you what you will have to do for the assignment we discussed in class. You will have to choose one of the scenes Prof. Fillton analyzed (in chapters 7/8) and write an essay on which reactions you think can be individuated among those I explained to you. Here I attached the slides and schemes of the previous lesson. Do not hesitate to ask me if you have any questions. I'm always available for any doubt. Please, work on it carefully._

_J. Jaehyun."_

Tsk. He really did want students to call him by his name. Something really akin to jealousy was sneaking into his mind, and Taeyong angrily closed the book he was reading, as if to squish it like a fly between the pages.

He was in the library, it was nearing 8 p.m., and he was tired, but he refused to leave the seat before ending this damn essay. The library was almost empty, just a few students here and there with their laptops illuminating their spent faces in the otherwise very poorly lit place. Very few people would study on a Friday night, only those who had something to fear next week, or those, like Taeyong, who were busy 24/7. He was in a secluded area of the library, occupying an entire table by himself, with his half-read open books, his laptop, his notes, his pencils scattered around, and an alarming amount of post-its glued on the perimeter of the table. 

He thought he could easily write the five pages he needed to fill, but man, was he wrong. He didn't think this would take him this much time, but he's been reading chapters and slides for 4 hours now, and he was only half-way. He was a perfectionist, everything needed to make sense and to be written in the most satisfying way, and the fact that he knew that this essay would be marked by Jaehyun was only spurring him on to make it better and better. That meant that he was reading every sentence and every paragraph a maniacal amount of times, and that was probably why he was nowhere near the end.

He was stuck on a specific scene, Catherine's death scene of Wuthering Heights, and he just couldn't make up his mind. He flipped the pages back and forth, while consulting Jaehyun's slides, as if they could give him the answers, but his brain was not cooperating. 

He banged his head on the table, resting it on his book, closing his eyes and inhaling the perfume of pages, trying to collect his thoughts. He opened one eyelid and read one of the post-its under his nose on his right ' _hysteric death?_ ', then he glanced on his left and read another one _'beautiful death?_ '. He groaned in frustration and lifted his head back up. 

That's when he met a pair of eyes looking at him, quite amused. Jaehyun was standing beside his table, actually leaning on it, with his arms crossed and this amused expression on his face. He was wearing a long beige trench and he carried himself like a rich, successful man. He probably was. 

"Jaehyun- w-what are you doing here?" He felt suddenly completely self-conscious. Not only because Jaehyun was just as handsome as usual ( _how did he do that by the way?!_ ), but mostly because he knew how he probably looked right now. With his oversized hoodie, his white hair poorly combed, and an embarrassing red spot on his forehead due to having it placed on the table for at least 5 minutes. As usual, he could actually feel how his face was flaming up. If hair could change color, it would be red now. 

"I needed to consult a medical book for your course, I'm preparing the next lesson. I was heading out when I recognized you. You seem really tired, are you by any chance preparing _my_ assignment?" His tone had a funny note in it, almost as if he was teasing him. 

Of course he was here for books, what a stupid question Taeyong. He was a professor and he _worked_ here after all. He really needed to remind himself of that sometimes. He quickly cleared his throat, trying to control his voice. 

"Yes, I'm half-way through it." Wow, he didn't stutter, that's new. 

"You didn't seem really... _enthusiastic_ about it two minutes ago." He chuckled, dimples full on display, placing his hand on the table and tracing his fingers on the underlined page of a book. Taeyong followed the movement with his eyes, then snapped back into reality when he remembered he had to answer. Basic social interaction. 

"No!" He exclaimed, a bit too forcefully, drawing the attention of the two last students in the library. Jaehyun was taken aback, but still he found Taeyong's awkwardness cute. 

"I mean- I like it, I really do, I'm just stuck on a scene and I cannot understand which of the reactions listed fits best." Taeyong was gesticulating so much that Jaehyun couldn't help himself. 

Taeyong felt a pair of hands suddenly holding his own in mid-air, lowering them to rest on the table. He held them there while searching for Taeyong's eyes. 

"Hey, I didn't mean anything okay? It's okay if you like the course, it's also okay if you don't. Just breathe." Taeyong noticed then that _indeed_ he was not breathing regularly, so he used Jaehyun's eyes as an anchor and regained control of his lungs. When Jaehyun was satisfied and realized the younger has effectively calmed down, he smiled at him and retrieved his hands. 

"Good boy. Now, since I'm here, if you want I can look at your essay and help you with that scene?" He took the chair next to Taeyong and placed his bad on the table. 

Taeyong was still processing the pet name in his head, a part of him screaming at the top of its lungs that it was inappropriate, another part of him, much bigger, screaming back to the other to just shut up. He listened to the second one. 

"That would be nice, thank you." He extended to Jaehyun his book and started explaining his doubt. His 'student-mode' was preventing him from combusting on the spot. 

"Well, in this scene Catherine could be categorized as an example of two different reactions. The hysterical reaction is probably prevailing, but in the end we could easily categorize it as peaceful and what we would call a 'beautiful death'. And I cannot decide which one to use to describe the whole scene, because in each case it would feel incomplete or at least partly wrong. Choosing one would mean rejecting the other, so I cannot do that either. They both co-exist in the same scene." Taeyong finished, proud of himself for being able to finally sound like a functional human-being, and an intelligent one at that. 

Jaehyun was staring at him with something close to adoration in his eyes, but Taeyong didn't notice. Not only the young boy was gorgeous, but he was also very smart and sharp-witted. Listening to him talking so fluidly was mesmerizing, and Jaehyun found himself wanting to hear him talk more often. He realized he had been staring because Taeyong started to fidget with his pen and he readjusted his glasses with one sleeve-covered hand, waiting for a reply. 

"Why don't you put them both then?" Taeyong wore a confused expression, looking back and forth between his screen and his notes. 

"What do you mean?" he asked, genuinely focused on his work. 

"I mean Taeyong that you don't have to choose only one way, if you believe that both of your reasonings are valid, then you should put them both, and explain why in your opinion they are connected. You chose one of the hardest scenes to analyze, I'm impressed with the way you managed to identify more possibilities in just one scene." Jaehyun stated in the most sincere way possible. He was truly impressed with the boy's ideas. 

"Oh... thank you. Okay then, I will work on both. So... do you like it? My essay?" Taeyong didn't know why, but having Jaehyun's approval meant everything for him in that moment. He needed to make him see how capable he was, to make him proud. Jaehyun smiled, probably sensing the uncertainty radiating off Taeyong. 

"It is really good, I mean it. Nonetheless there is always space for improvement, so you shouldn't settle for good, but always aim for more, for better." Jaehyun placed the book down on the table, closing it. Taeyong was still bathing in the compliment and he felt on cloud nine. He felt the sudden urge to hug the older, to just crawl into his lap and stay there for a while, but he shook the idea out of his system and hoped that his desire wasn't clearly written on his face. 

Jaehyun was still debating wether he should push his boundaries or not. He weighed his options and decided to suppress his impulse to just touch the boy sitting next to him. Not wanting to part ways yet, he settled for a simple question, which if not exactly professional friendly, it was at least better than just give in and ravish him right then and there. 

"The library is closing soon. If you're not too tired we could go to that cafe and we can finish your essay together? I'm free tonight." Jaehyun tentatively offered. 

Taeyong was _burning._ With shyness, with agitation, with happiness, with _desire._ Was this a date? A date with his professor. _No._ It couldn't be, Jaehyun was just being a _very_ nice professor. He was offering him his help, that's all. With these thoughts in mind, and a voice that was telling him otherwise, he looked up to Jaehyun and nodded fervently. 

"I would love that." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter 
> 
> I really appreciate all of your comments and kudos, thank you!   
> feedback is always welcomed :]
> 
> see you next time <3
> 
> liz


	7. Push and pull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update <3

Taeyong was floating on a cloud, his mind flying high and all of his senses were constantly on alert. He was currently correcting some grammar mistakes, saving the file and dragging it away in the 'UNI' folder, sitting at a cafe table on a Friday night. He would've laughed at himself for being the cliche version of a hipster dude working with his Mac at Starbucks to show the world he was an alternative intellectual, if he weren't too busy trying to control his facial expressions and his wild thoughts and trying not to scream in the waitress' face when she so obviously threw heart eyes at Jaehyun.

Yes, Jaehyun was still there, sit on the chair across the table, which was so small that Taeyong's laptop was almost occupying the whole surface, and that also meant that Jaehyun was still very close to him. If he reached out with his arm, he could easily run his fingers through his hair- _focus._

Finally closing the multiple open tabs on Safari, he quickly opened his email service and hesitated before clicking on the 'new message' key.

"Should I send it to you now?" Taeyong asked, finally rising his eyes to look at Jaehyun, who was currently drumming his fingers on the table, silently observing him, as if Taeyong wasn't already very much distracted.

"You did finish it right? You would be the first one to send it too, what a hard-working student. Might give you extra points for being early." He said, stilling his hands and smiling down at Taeyong. He was so much taller, he could clearly see Taeyong, even with a laptop between them.

Taeyong will never get used to Jaehyun's teasing, but he forced himself to maintain composure and play along.

"Well, I wouldn't have finished if it weren't for you..." He lowered his eyes, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. For a second, he felt like he was doing something wrong, as if he was taking advantage of someone to reach his goals, as if he were succeeding in a way that was not entirely legal. Jaehyun must have noticed something on his face changed because he suddenly put aside his steaming cup of tea, as if clearing the way would make what he was about to do and say somewhat clearer, and without further notice, reached out with his hand and gently closed the laptop under Taeyong's eyes. 

"Hey, none of that, I just helped you sorting out some doubts, I never told you the answer to anything, you had all the right answers already, you just needed a bit of guiding to see them clearly. Do not think for a second that I had an hand in what you wrote, because I honestly didn't. I'm still impressed with the ideas and the connections you came up with, things I would have never even considered. Taeyong, I don't even know how you decided to write the concepts we discussed, I actually still have to read your essay, and I will evaluate it just like I will evaluate all the others. You haven't done anything wrong." He was staring at Taeyong in a way that the younger couldn't help but believe his words, and when Taeyong took a moment to reflect on them, he realized he was being silly, that indeed Jaehyun never even glanced at his file on the screen. And he was right, Jaehyun only participated when Taeyong explicitly asked him to. His relief must be showing on his features, mixed with a bashful and shy expression. 

"I'm sorry, you're right, I'm sorry I didn't mean to doubt your position, or to disrespect you, you've only been nice to me, I know you would never do that. I really am sorry." His tone was apologizing and he hoped Jaehyun would not get mad at him for assuming things. 

"Taeyong, look at me." Taeyong obeyed and found Jaehyun's eyes searching for his own. When they locked eyes, Taeyong couldn't move them, even if he tried to. Jaehyun's gaze was demanding and he was too weak to fight back. 

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean anything, relax. The fact that you actually worried about being favored in some way, makes you even more respectful and reflects highly on you, trust me." Being comforted by Jaehyun and knowing that they were okay felt better than being praised and showered in compliments by, well, anyone else. 

Taeyong finally teared his eyes away, looking down and slowly nodding, while playing with the hem of his sleeves. He noticed in the corner of his eye that Jaehyun finished his tea in one go and glanced at the watch on his wrist, before speaking. 

"It's getting late, we should head back. Did you park back at the campus?" Jaehyun had just put on his trench while talking, loosening his tie at his neck while running his right hand between his hair, a strand still hanging on his forehead. Taeyong tried to be subtle about it, not wanting to get caught openly staring.

"Uhm, I don't have a car, I usually take the bus to get back to my dorm, but I can walk now, I usually walk anyway when I study in the library and it's too late to get any kind of transport." Jaehyun paused his administrations and looked at him with a serious expression. 

"You walk at night? How far is it?" Taeyong sensed a slightly annoyed tone in his voice, and he couldn't understand why, he felt like he was going to give the wrong answer, no matter what. 

"It takes me half an hour I guess-"

"I'm giving you a ride." Jaehyun stated, while collecting his bag and waiting for Taeyong to follow him. 

"No really, I seriously can walk, it's no problem, I don't want to bother you-"

"You're not walking home alone at this hour of the night. Not only it's freezing outside, but it is also very dangerous. You should never walk alone Taeyong. I'm giving you a ride and that's final. Get up." 

Jaehyun's tone wasn't accepting buts, nos, or any kind of resistance, and that made Taeyong flustered for some reason. He quietly mumbled a 'okay' under his breath and quickly got ready to exit in the biting cold wind of December. When Taeyong noticed that Jaehyun was already heading towards the cashier, he stopped him by grabbing the hem of his sleeve, tugging a little and rapidly lowering his hand once Jaehyun turned around with a slightly raised eyebrow. 

"Let me at least pay for your tea, you helped me and you're taking me home, it's the least I can do." Taeyong said, with his hands now intertwined in front of him, waiting for a reply. Jaehyun's confused expression morphed into a smile, and he raised his hands to lead the way.

"Fair enough, after you." 

When he was finally outside, he found Jaehyun waiting for him, with his left hand in his pocket, and the right one was holding a set of keys and a wool bordeaux beanie. It took him a few moments to recognize it, but before he could speak, Jaehyun beat him to it.

"This is yours, right? You do seem to have a habit of forgetting things around." Jaehyun stepped closer and carefully placed the beanie on his head, adjusting it, and gently brushing the few strands of his fringe out of his eyes. Taeyong for a moment forgets about winter, December, the snow on the ground and starts getting hotter under Jaehyun's touch and attention, deep down wishing for him to never stop. Then, he blurted out a reply, not even knowing where it came from.

"You do seem to have a habit of bringing me back what I forgot." Jaehyun smirked down at him, surprised by Taeyong's newly found forwardness, and lowered his head a bit to really look in his eyes. Taeyong held his breath, he was so close he could count his lashes one by one.

"I am not complaining." He whispered, before taking a step back and tilting his head on one side, motioning for Taeyong to follow.

"Come on, this way, before we freeze in the middle of the street." Jaehyun was already walking away, but Taeyong was still frozen on the spot, and not because of the wind. He managed to put one foot in front of the other, trying really hard not to stumble and to keep up with the older's pace. 

It took them five minutes to reach Jaehyun's car, and Taeyong was thankful because he was really suffering the cold air, he couldn't even speak, trying to squeeze himself inside his coat and burying his nose in his scarf. 

Jaehyun wordlessly opened the door of the passenger seat, motioning for Taeyong to enter. The younger squeaked out an embarrassing ‘thank you’ before sitting in the car and placing his backpack between his legs. He was already feeling a bit better now that the wind couldn’t reach him, but the temperature of the night was still really low and he couldn’t help but shiver, his teeth almost chattering. 

"The car should be heating up soon, don't worry. Just tell me where and when to turn, alright?" Taeyong nodded, then realized Jaehyun wasn't looking at him, so he replied with a 'yes', then stared out the window. 

"Taeyong, put on your seatbelt." It was the same stern tone Jaehyun used before in the cafe, almost scaring Taeyong. 

"Oh- right, sorry." He quickly put on the seatbelt, locking it in place. 

"Good boy. Now, left or right?" Jaehyun turned on the engine and started backing out, swiftly turning the wheel with one hand. Why that was so hot to Taeyong, he didn't really know. 

They quietly drive in a comfortable silence for some minutes, Taeyong watching the city moving on the glass, admiring the fairy lights, people walking with shopping bags, the streets swarming with cars. Traffic was slowing them down, but he was not complaining, spending time with Jaehyun felt good, and he realized then that the night was going to finish in some more minutes and he found himself wishing that it wouldn't. He didn't know when and if he could see Jaehyun like this again, out of the whole 'university' context, it has been a coincidence they met in the library after all. He was getting sad by the time he started to recognize the streets near his dorm, and they sopped at a red-light right in front of a square with a big Christmas tree in the center. 

"What are you thinking about?" The sudden question cut in the silence, snapping Taeyong back to reality. He couldn't reply with ' _I was thinking about how much I don't want to leave this car_ ', so he settled for an half-truth. 

"Oh, nothing special, I was just watching the Christmas lights, I really like the atmosphere of the city when it's Christmas." He glanced back at the tree in the square, almost as if to prove his point. "My friends and I always organize a party to celebrate, this year my colleague will also join." 

"Oh, do you work too?" Jaehyun seemed surprised by the new information. 

"Yeah, but only on the weekends, in a small library, 'The Minotaur'. Tomorrow morning I have a shift." 

"You could've told me, I would've driven you home earlier." Jaehyun frowned. 

"No! Really, it's not that tiring, and I don't even have to wake up early anyway, really don't worry." Taeyong quickly reassured him, he didn't want Jaehyun to feel bad in general, let alone to feel bad for something related to him. "The building on the right at the end of the street, if you turn now, is my dorm." 

Taeyong took the last two minutes of the drive to openly stare at Jaehyun's profile. He was still shocked by how effortlessly handsome Jaehyun was. His hair, now messy after a long day of work, was adorning his temples, and his amber eyes were concentrated on the street, but Taeyong knew how sweet and piercing they could be when directed at him. His hands were gripping the steering wheel, hard enough to make his veins show up visibly under the soft surface of his white skin. He smelled like rain and tea and success and power, and Taeyong's mouth was watering. 

"I can feel you staring, Taeyong." Jaehyun suddenly said, dimples appearing, looking at Taeyong's wide eyes through the rearview mirror. 

Taeyong felt a huge hot wave of embarrassment creeping under his hoodie, making him sweat despite the cold weather. He stubbornly kept his eyes outside his window, at a loss of words, a stream of excuses and apologies were swimming aimlessly in his head. Did he cross the line? But Jaehyun was smiling, wasn't he? He didn't have the time to decipher the possible meaning behind that smile, because he felt warmth spreading on his knee through the fabric of his jeans, realizing that Jaehyun's hand was placed on his leg, his thumb tracing small circles imperceptibly, barely there. Taeyong's brain short-circuited, his breath catching in his throat, his legs clenching together on instinct. 

"Hey it's okay, I was only joking, alright? Besides, I don't mind at all." He draw his arm back, changing gear while slowing down, pulling up on the side of the street, right in front Taeyong's dorm. Right, that was the whole point of driving with Jaehyun. Getting back home. 

Once the car halted completely, Taeyong started fiddling with his hands, looking down at his bruised fingers, desperately trying to say something to make Jaehyun stay, to make him understand that he was completely smitten already, and he _couldn't,_ he knew he couldn't, because that was not permitted, and Jaehyun just made it so difficult not to be so obvious about it all the time. Frustration was making him restless, and he realized then that he didn't make a move to get out of the car since the car stopped. Hurriedly, he took his backpack from between his legs and mumbled a quick apology, not really knowing what he was apologizing for, and extended his right hand to open the door. 

"Wait." Jaehyun said before he could reach the handle. 

Taeyong's hand stopped abruptly in mid-air, already panicking, maybe Jaehyun was going to tell him that this was the last time they would be hanging out like this, because this was certainly unprofessional- 

"Let me accompany you to the building door, this street is very dark, I wouldn't feel okay leaving you here without knowing you got in safely." 

God must be having a good laugh at him, throwing such a perfect (and totally forbidden) creature into his life, to mess with his head and to make him miserable. He quickly nodded, Jaehyun opening his door before he could even blink (how did he get off the car so quickly?), waiting for him to steady his balance. 

They walk in a really charged silence until the front door of the building, all the while Taeyong was playing with the keys in his pocket, turning them over and over to calm his nerves. He was trying to understand what the older was thinking, maybe he was the only one feeling this strange _atmosphere_ between them. It probably was all in Taeyong's mind, he did have a wild fantasy after all. 

Once they reach the door, Taeyong turns around, ready to thank the man profusely and sure to keep a straight face and a casual tone, convinced to say those phrases of circumstance that he always uses with his other professors, just like the situation would require. But once he is fully facing Jaehyun, his resolution crumples to the ground in a second, and all he manages to utter is an embarrassing squeak, noticing that he has to press himself up against the door to put some much needed space between them. 

Jaehyun had a troubled expression on his face, almost as if he was holding back something or hiding a secret Taeyong was not supposed to discover. The tension Taeyong felt was almost unbearable, the silence was ringing in his ears as if it was waiting for one of them to just _snap,_ to give in to whatever it was they were feeling. Taeyong decided that if Jaehyun was not going to end it there, then he would, not really trusting his own actions anymore. 

"Well- uhm, thank you for everything. Goodnight, Jaehyun." He whispered the last part, feeling strangely out of breath with the way Jaehyun was looking at him as if he wanted to _devour_ him. 

That's when Jaehyun pulled his right hand out of his pocket to lightly tuck a strand of hair behind Taeyong's ear, agonizingly slow. Taeyong kept his control the whole damn night, but now, here, pressed up against his door and with Jaehyun's hand touching his skin and grazing over that sensitive spot just under his lobe, he couldn't help himself anymore. Something inside his inner instincts must have snapped, because he didn't even notice when he leaned into his touch, fingers now replaced with the whole palm of his hand covering his cheek. Taeyong almost purred with the warmth he felt, seeking it and closing his eyes in contentment. He turned his head slightly and nuzzled Jaehyun's hand gently, whimpering when he felt the older's thumb caressing his cheekbone, which was, Taeyong was sure, on fire. As soon as the sound left the younger's mouth, who was still pressing his lips and nose against the skin of the older's palm, Jaehyun retracted his hand completely, only for it to take Taeyong's chin with two fingers, lifting his head up, up, up, until it was too pressed against the door, Jaehyun hovering over him, close enough that he could feel his hot breath on his face. 

"Taeyong." Jaehyun's voice was strained, his brows furrowed, clearly restraining himself, of that Taeyong was sure, because he absolutely felt the same way. But Jaehyun probably had much more control in himself than Taeyong, who was already losing his mind, as well as his backpack, that fell to the floor with a thump both of them ignored. 

" _Please_." Taeyong whined, not really sure what he was pleading for, to leave him, to run away, to let him go, or to kiss him stupid until he couldn't feel anything else but his lips against his own. He unconsciously licked his lips at the thought. 

Jaehyun groaned at that, gripping Taeyong's face more firmly and leaning in. Taeyong's mind was screaming, all of his body thrumming with anticipation, thinking that Jaehyun was actually going to kiss him right then and there. With the way Taeyong's head was tipped back, he could only watch him through lidded eyes, that were glimmering with want and desperation. But Jaehyun's lips never collided with his mouth, instead he felt the older press his forehead to his own, closing his eyes in the process, releasing a pained and shuddered breath through his nose. 

"We can't baby, we really can't." Jaehyun's voice was charged with lust and torment, deep enough that Taeyong could feel the vibrations where their skin was touching. Taeyong didn't know who Jaehyun was trying to convince, if the younger or himself.

Taeyong mewled disapprovingly, brushing the tip of his nose against Jaehyun's, eskimo-kissing him, almost tearing up at the closeness, all Jaehyun had to do was to tilt his head and they would be finally kissing, and the fact that Taeyong was so close to having what he so terribly wanted but couldn't, was making him cry out in frustration, almost stomping his foot like a little kid that was denied his candy. 

"I know baby, I know. But you do get why we can't, right? Tell me you understand." Jaehyun was searching for his eyes, waiting for a reply. 

_No,_ Taeyong wanted to scream, _I do not understand._ The most irrational part of his being absolutely did not understand why they couldn't have each other, since it felt so good and so right that Taeyong was already entering in some kind of headspace he was not quite sure he knew yet, but all he wanted to do was to surrender completely to the feeling, and especially to Jaehyun. The more rational part of him however, _did_ know exactly why they couldn't. So when Taeyong managed to clear the sweet fog that was blinding his rational mind, he nodded slowly. 

"Yes, I know." He sighed, finally lowering his head to look at the ground, his face burning with lust and anger. 

"You better go inside now, your nose is freezing." Jaehyun smiled at him, trying to erase the disappointment on Taeyong's face. He succeeded because Taeyong attempted a smile. "I'd like to talk about this with you one of these days, if you're okay with that." Hope bloomed inside Taeyong, knowing that he could see Jaehyun again, probably alone too, was enough to calm the younger's heart. 

"Of course I'm okay with that." Jaehyun smiled again, leaving a tender kiss to Taeyong's forehead. 

"Perfect. Goodnight Taeyong." He started backing away, Taeyong still feeling the skin Jaehyun's lips kissed tingling. 

"Goodnight." And with that Jaehyun was disappearing in the dark of the night. 

Taeyong remained motionless on the doorstep until he heard the engine of a car roaring to life and then disappearing too. He quickly picked up his backpack from the floor and opened the door, not still quite believing Jaehyun called him baby. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! they're finally getting there, uh?  
> also, do you like markhyuck relationship? should I reserve them some chapters? let me know in the comments. 
> 
> if you liked it, leave a kudos and a comment (I read ALL of your comments), feedback is always appreciated :]
> 
> Until next time, stay safe <3
> 
> Liz


	8. Yes and No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo I know this is later than the usual, but I am literally trying to survive the mess that my life is. so I hope you're not too disappointed and I hope you didn't give up on this fic yet. 
> 
> do you guys want me to write some chapters on markhyuck too? let me know in the comments please! 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Taeyong passed the next few days in a trance. He couldn't concentrate on anything at all, they haven't done _anything_ yet, and still Jaehyun rendered him stupid _._ He couldn't focus during his dance practices, the choreographer gave up on him one night because he just couldn't get the steps right. He couldn't focus in class, when the teacher was explaining literary (and fundamental) passages of his favorite novels; even less when that class was co-held by Jaehyun himself. Those classes were the worst, Taeyong didn't even feel the time ticking away, he was always suspended in a hazy and absolutely confusing dimension where time, space, words and people couldn't reach him. Only Jaehyun's presence was allowed in that dimension, Taeyong was always hyperaware of his presence whenever he was near, whenever they were remotely breathing the same air. He was extremely distracted and his friends started to notice. More than once Haechan had to chase him down because he forgot some books in the library; more than once Johnny prevented him from forgetting his phone on the table of the cantine. Haechan was surprisingly quiet about it, only raising one eyebrow to Taeyong, silently asking _"What's wrong with you lately?",_ but ultimately dropping it. Maybe he had his own problems to deal with, he seemed kind of troubled too. 

Taeyong was actually relieved that no one asked him what was going on, because he wouldn't have known what to say. First of all, he's really bad at telling lies and they know, second, he sincerely didn't know how to explain the situation he was in, since nothing really happened, but everything changed at the same time. He was not making sense even to himself, how could he possibly talk about this mess to someone else? Not to mention that, it's true, they did nothing, but he was low-key worried to be judged for some reason, he knew his friends would never, they were always there to support him in all his decisions, but _this,_ this was slightly different. Like, ' _still_ _legal but not really'_ different. 

So, all in all, he was losing his mind. Because Jaehyun told him he wanted to talk about it with him, but it's been a week and he hadn't heard from him yet, and Taeyong, being the least patient person on this planet, was not dealing with his thoughts very well. The older was obviously keeping his distance, but Jaehyun made sure to make Taeyong feel him whenever they shared the same room, and that happened approximately two or three times a week during class. So, to say the truth Taeyong was not entirely to blame for his forgetfulness, Jaehyun really did give him a hard time in a subtle and sneaky way. At least, that's what Taeyong was telling himself, maybe Jaehyun was just being that effortlessly charming.

The doctor would scan his eyes through the people until they landed on the younger, who was usually late. You'd expect it to be hard to spot him among the other students who were already settled in, but Taeyong stood out so magnificently that it was surprisingly really easy. He would come in out of breath, with red cheeks and unruly curly hair falling on his black framed glasses, and he would just look like the prettiest thing God created, more than once Jaehyun had to remind himself he had a presentation to do and that he was supposed to actually teach something. Once he spotted him, he would give him a small nod as a greeting, and Taeyong would blush like crazy, he was sure about that because the younger always lowered his eyes whenever he was flustered about something, and it happened like a recurrence when Jaehyun was around. He couldn't help but glance at him more often than not, always finding Taeyong's eyes already on him, quickly diverting them when he was caught blatantly staring. 

Jaehyun was taking his time, but he was also giving time and space to Taeyong to comprehend the situation they both fell in. He knew they needed to talk about it, he also knew he didn't have many options. Throwing laws, restrictions and policies to the wind and just _take_ him, or patiently wait for the semester to end and start building something from there. He was conscious that the first option wasn't even a real option. His career as a professor wasn't really worrying him that much, but he wasn't willing to put Taeyong and his future on the line like that. Not in a million years would he want to be the reason for Taeyong's failure or unhappiness. He couldn't possibly risk to hurt the boy, even if he wanted him with every fiber of his being. He hoped Taeyong was having the same thoughts and arriving to the same conclusions too. He knew that Taeyong wouldn’t like it, because he didn’t like this decision himself. But Taeyong was still young and as much as Jaehyun was sure he was mature and level-headed, he was still so young and Jaehyun remembered that at that age he threw caution to the wind multiple times, feeling like the world was owing him everything he wanted and that he had the power to have it. He was ready to be responsible for both, if Taeyong wasn’t willing to.

That revealed to be easier said than done, since Taeyong was looking extra pretty whenever he went to class. Taeyong wasn't usually one to care about clothes and appearance that much, but since that fateful night he started to be aware of how Jaehyun would look at him. He still couldn't believe that someone who looked like a God walking on earth was attracted to someone regular like him, and he felt the need to look nice for him, he wanted to feel Jaehyun's eyes lingering on him a second longer than it was allowed. So he started making a few changes, nothing major, but enough for Jaehyun to notice. Taeyong started to at least choose his outfits, rather than just throw on something that wasn't dirty, and he started to kind of arrange his hair nicely, or as nicely as he could get it to be. He also started to use cherry flavored lip balm, not only because he thought that it made his lips look softer, but he sincerely grew fond of the nice scent it left in the air. Jaehyun thought that Taeyong was pretty in any way, and he found really cute the subtle effort he was making to lure him in. Jaehyun wanted to laugh and scream at the same time whenever he saw the younger with his super red lips and super big eyes. It was exhilarating. 

It was during the second week of silent treatment that something finally changed in a really unexpected way. Taeyong was carefully listening the explanation of Jaehyun's slideshow, eating away each and every word, each and every gesture and movement of his lips, but for the first time in the midst of all the information, he found himself disagreeing with what was being said. He pondered for a moment if he was allowed to say something, if he had enough authority to disagree with his teacher, if he had enough courage to disagree with _Jaehyun_. Then he tried to separate the person he had feelings for from the person who was there to help him grow in his academical career, and decided he was allowed, _no_ , he had the right to ask, to prove his point. 

Jaehyun uttered the last words of his speech and turned around to look at his class, searching for confused expressions or bored yawns, finding none and asking his usual "Any questions? If it's all clear we can go on-" 

That's when Taeyong gathered up his courage and slowly, but surely, raised his hand in the air, so tense he could feel it trembling slightly. Jaehyun's attention was immediately caught, and he couldn't hide the look of surprise on his face when he realized who it was. 

"Yes?" The teacher asked with a raised eyebrow, intrigued by the sudden action, conscious of the extreme talent of the younger. 

Taeyong cleared his throat before speaking. “I apologize if I sound impertinent, but isn’t it a bit too simplistic, and I might add, arrogant, to say that the characters’s passions and sentiments are all driven by a chemical reaction? Can we really reduce love to a simple scientific formula that is supposed to release endorphins in our body?” The slight biting tone he added to the second question wasn’t really intended, but Taeyong found himself getting worked up for some reason. Did really Jaehyun believed that?

Silence followed for a few moments, Jaehyun was elaborating Taeyong’s questions and trying to understand its implications. He wasn’t entirely sure the younger was exclusively talking about Wuthering Heights. He felt like he was walking on thin glass, that was ready to break under his feet if he answered wrong. He chose his next words very carefully.

“Well, it _is_ scientifically proven that the feelings of love and attraction are in fact based on chemical processes and substances, but I am not in any way ruling out the emotional and spiritual aspect of such feelings.” He concluded, hoping to make Taeyong understand his view on the matter.

“It didn’t seem like it though.” Taeyong couldn’t help himself, he wanted to take it back but it was too late. Jaehyun’s features darkened and his gaze was cutting through him like daggers. He felt all of his bold character shrinking away under Jaehyun’s dark eyes. He was intimidated, if not scared, and a little hot too.

Jaehyun was annoyed beyond words, Taeyong was being a brat on purpose and he _knew_. He felt the sudden urge to put him in his place.

“I am here to give a scientific explanation of these characters Taeyong, it wasn’t my intention to come off as a materialistic jerk.” He hissed.

Taeyong felt his blood rush to his face in the fraction of a millisecond. Silence fell upon the class, a silent gasp was heard in the distance, _did he really just say that?_

He was left speechless and ashamed because he knew Jaehyun was right, the younger was only tired of the silent treatment he was receiving without an explanation, he wanted to arouse a reaction from Jaehyun, and even anger was better than being ignored.

Jaehyun threw him one last dark glance, and clapped his hands together looking around. “Any other questions?”

Nobody dared to speak, even Prof. Fillton seemed a bit taken aback by the sudden outburst of her colleague. But they all regained composure and went on with the slides as if nothing happened.

Taeyong, on the other hand, was petrified. His palms were sweating slightly, and he was feeling hot under his collar. He was staring pointedly at the wall on the other side of the room, finding the cables of the projector suddenly really interesting. The worst part was that shame wasn’t only making him restless, making his mouth dry and his eyes glistening, no, he was also getting hard. Was it the tone? Was it the fact that Jaehyun pronounced his name so very clearly, even though he was not supposed to? Taeyong wasn’t sure, but he had to get out, and get out fast before he could embarrass himself even more.

But he couldn’t, he was in the middle of a row of seats, and he didn’t want to give Jaehyun the satisfaction of rendering him useless with just a few well-aimed words. So he stayed still for the rest twenty minutes of lesson left, biting nervously his lip, tasting the cherry flavor of his lip balm, and trying to distract himself from Jaehyun, who was so unbothered by it all that it was making Taeyong flustered and frustrated. Jaehyun who was walking from one point of the room to the other while speaking, gesturing from time to time to the slide projected on the wall. That action would show the muscles of his arms and his back flex under the white shirt we was wearing, making Taeyong whine silently in his throat. He couldn’t wait for the lesson to finish. He felt electrified and anticipation was eating him alive.He was sure Jaehyun was going to face him now, he wasn’t so sure how though.

When Prof. Fillton finally dismissed the class, thanking the students for their attention, Taeyong was able to breath a little. She gathered her laptop and her bag, and left after sharing a handshake with the doctor. Students were slowly leaving the room, making it less noisy minute by minute. 

Jaehyun's belongings were scattered forgotten on the table, his bag still hanging from the chair, and his laptop still opened and active on the desk. Jaehyun was resting with his back on the desk in front of the class, with his arms crossed, as if he couldn't care less that they actually _had_ to leave at some point, but his eyes were fixed on Taeyong, daring him to _fucking_ move. Of course, Taeyong knew better than to actually leave the room, so he stayed unmoving, pinned under Jaehyun's demanding stare, until all of the students disappeared, leaving the two the only left in the room. Taeyong didn't know how much time had passed, because he held the older's stare for the whole time, as if in a frenzy. 

The sound of the door closing behind the last student's back reverberated through the air, so loud it snapped Taeyong out of his catatonic state. He felt a shiver run down his spine when Jaehyun finally spoke. 

"Come here." It wasn't soft, but it wasn't even angry, just demanding. 

Taeyong had plenty of time to gather his things during the lesson he wasn't able to follow, so he just picked up his backpack and his coat, and started walking down the stairs, almost tripping under his legs after being sit for a long time. And also because Jaehyun made him malfunction more often than not. He suddenly was very aware of the situation in the lower region of his body, hoping it wasn't too obvious, but also hoping Jaehyun could somehow tell. He was _sick_. 

The literal walk of shame finally ended when he reached the front, placing his things on the nearest table and keeping his distance from Jaehyun who seemed ready to attack him. 

Jaehyun gave a snort of incredulity, shaking his head. "I don't bite, you can come closer." 

_I'd like that though_ , was the first thing Taeyong's weak brain could think. 

Jaehyun must have been reading his thoughts when he gave an ironic laugh after seeing Taeyong's blown out pupils. "But you'd probably like that, wouldn't you?" Jaehyun's eyes were studying his face, every single emotion and reaction he could catch. 

Taeyong's red lips parted, and he nodded slightly, whispering a ' _yes_ ', not knowing how to lie, not knowing how to hide the fact that he was liking being talked down. 

Jaehyun then sighed defeated and extended his arm, taking his hand and tugging a little. "I said, come here." This time Taeyong was willingly ready to invade the older's space, the mere contact of his hand was setting his insides on fire. Jaehyun tugged until the younger was standing between his legs, close but still not enough for Taeyong's liking. 

He felt Jaehyun thumb lightly caress the back of his hand, looking at their joined hands. "You almost made me lose my control earlier." He whispered. "What is bothering you? Tell me." Jaehyun was finally looking into his eyes, waiting for him to speak. 

Taeyong was having a hard time breathing, but Jaehyun was finally talking to him so he couldn’t miss his chance. He chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds, trying to collect his thoughts. 

"Cut that shit Taeyong." He immediately released his bruised lip from his teeth and mumbled an apology. 

"It's just- you told me we would've talked about it, so I thought you would've contacted me in some way, but you didn't, you just kept silent and avoiding me, and- and I started to think you were regretting everything- I mean regretting me, or like what happened that night. I just wanted to understand... I just- can't stop thinking about you." 

It was there, Taeyong couldn't lie and it was better for him to just tell the truth. He was offering his heart, his body, his whole to Jaehyun. He didn't know how to stop. 

He lowered his head, feeling his eyes watering. Talking about his feelings always made him emotional, and he was very sensitive by nature. And Jaehyun's soft touch made him want to cry a little. 

He felt Jaehyun's other hand cradle his face, grazing his wet cheek with his thumb, wiping away the single tear that escaped from his eyelid. He had such a troubled expression on his face that it made Taeyong's heart tremble. 

"Regret you?" He whispered with a disbelieving tone. 

And to prove his point, he dragged his thumb on his skin until he reached his bottom lip, softly pressing down on it. 

"You don't know how much I want you." He breathed, swiping his thumb slowly on the bruised flesh. "The things I would do to you." He looked into Taeyong's eyes with such an intensity that it made him shiver. Taeyong was exploding, he needed and needed and _needed_ to close the distance, he was begging silently, but no words came out. Jaehyun just continued to trace his thumb on his lips, torturously slow. 

"You liked when I called you out in front of everyone, didn't you?" The hand that was holding his own, trailed up and gripped his wrist, to steady him. Taeyong was thankful because he couldn't help the high whine that left his throat at the words. His breath was already ragged, and his pants were getting tighter by the minute. 

"You liked being scolded for being such a _brat_." Taeyong reached his limit right then and there, he whimpered and leaned closer to hide his face in Jaehyun's neck. 

"Yes, yes please, I liked it. _Please_." He was mouthing at his neck, not really kissing, just feeling his hot skin under his lips was enough for now, to calm him down. 

Jaehyun cradled his nape and gently lifted his head up. "Fuck, you're so beautiful." He then proceeded by kissing his still wet eyelids, his eyebrows, his temples, his forehead, still too distant from where Taeyong really wanted him.

"Yes, yes please, I liked it. _Please_." He was mouthing at his neck, not really kissing, just feeling his hot skin under his lips was enough for now, to calm him down. 

Jaehyun cradled his nape and gently lifted his head up. "Fuck, you're so beautiful." He then proceeded by kissing his still wet eyelids, his eyebrows, his temples, his forehead, still too distant from where Taeyong really wanted him. He whined again. 

"Oh baby, we have to be careful. We cannot do anything else before we find a solution, okay? Can you wait for a little longer, for me?" 

Taeyong nodded, but his mind was still fogged up, drunk on Jaehyun's touch, and he just- needed a little more, or he would go insane. 

"Yes I-I can, but, can you... just one time? Please?" He looked with hopeful eyes and leaned in, putting his hands on his chest, hoping to find a breach in Jaehyun's composure. 

The older searched on his face, trying to find the right path to follow, only to find lust and eagerness, and he just couldn't deny it anymore. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, "Fuck it, okay baby come here." 

Their lips forcefully met together, the kiss already desperate, with Taeyong's hand gripping his shirt tightly in his fists, and Jaehyun's hand cradling and dragging Taeyong's face even closer, as if it wasn't enough. Taeyong immediately let Jaehyun lead the kiss, his lips demanding and biting, and Taeyong was a whining mess within seconds, his legs almost giving out, so Jaehyun took one of his arms away from his face to circle his waist, holding him up. 

“Open up, baby.” He mumbled against the younger’s lips, before diving in again. Taeyong obeyed happily, parting his lips to let Jaehyun’s tongue invade his mouth, liking and sucking in a way Taeyong has never been kissed.

He was so lost in it, that he hadn’t even realized when he started to rut against Jaehyun’s thigh, slowly rolling his hips down to chase the friction he so desperately needed. Jaehyun tightened his grip on his waist, preventing him from moving. His moans muffled by the older’s mouth.

“Sshh, slow down baby, we cannot get caught, remember? Just one kiss.” He smiled against his lips and trailed soft kisses along his cheek, before parting completely.

“You look so pretty, so worked up just from this.”

“Don’t make fun of me.” He pouted, still flustered and red in the face.

"I'm not baby I swear. We should go before someone catches you looking like this." He lets go of Taeyong and they both gather their things. 

"This time I wanna do it right okay? You just have to be patient." Jaehyun says softly, fixing the younger's hair behind his ear. 

"I trust you, I will wait." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think, feedback, comments and kudos are always appreciated !!
> 
> (also let me know if you'd like some chapters on markhyuck too!)
> 
> until next time, stay safe
> 
> liz <3


	9. Gravity and Elves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update!! I'm so so so sorry I know this is terribly late, but I've been very busy with uni and things, I hope you can understand and I hope you won't give up on me and on this story :( 
> 
> I really like this Christmas atmosphere, really in theme with the chapter :) 
> 
> please leave kudos and a comment if you'd like <3
> 
> also I'm sorry for eventual mistakes 
> 
> hope you enjoy :]

Taeyong didn't know it was actually possible to feel this way, but it was. Of course he had some crushes, he also had a relationship in the past, but it couldn't be considered a _serious_ relationship. It only lasted three or four months, Taeyong can't even remember to be honest, and that fact alone proved how meaningless it had been for him. He was familiar with the feeling of liking someone, of crushing on someone: the desire to talk to that person, to be with them, the butterflies in the stomach and all those physical reactions involved when you like someone in that way. What he wasn't familiar with were the deeper, absurdly deeper feelings he was surely feeling for Jaehyun. Maybe all those years ago he was still too young to really feel anything remotely sincere for another human being, maybe he was more mature now and so his feelings were amplified as a consequence of his growing as a person. Or maybe he finally found someone really worth it? It was almost as if his body and mind had settled and ignited at the same time, desperately screaming ' _it's him, it's him!_ ', and Taeyong believed it, he didn't have any explanation other than having found _it_. It was the omnipresent desire, no, need, _no, craving_ he constantly felt to be with Jaehyun, to reach out to him, to listen to his voice even just for a second. It was his stomach tangling in knots, his palms sweating, his heart trying to climb up his throat whenever Jaehyun barely glanced at him in class. It was the way Jaehyun asked him to wait, to have patience in such a sincere and honest way he could do nothing but trust him, and he was ready to trust him with his life.

And that thought also scared him to death. Taeyong wasn't stupid, his feelings were so foreign to him that they were at the same time transparent clear. He knew he never felt such depth in his life before, and that he was letting himself free falling, because it was new, it was exciting, it was everything he ever wanted, but it was also dangerous. He didn't know when and how he'd got here, in front of a precipice with one foot suspended in the air, and Jaehyun's hand on his back pushing him forward. If he let himself go, would Jaehyun catch him before it was too late? Or would he loose his grip on his fingers and watch him fall? Taeyong knew the implications of his feelings, but he wasn't ready to put a label on them yet. 

Anyway, they were both behaving in Taeyong's opinion. The only interaction they had after the kiss they shared (the kiss Taeyong cannot stop thinking and dreaming about), was through emails. It was Jaehyun's idea, Taeyong had to hand in another essay about Heathcliff and his unbridled rage, and send it to Jaehyun's contact. Not only he received constructive criticism about his writing (he really appreciated that Jaehyun was being totally objective and impartial, but he wouldn't have expected nothing less from him really), but Jaehyun also started a long and cute conversation through emails, which made him feel old-fashioned in the best way (he was aware they weren't actually exchanging _letters,_ but still they weren't _texting_ ). Emailing was still professional, right? 

From: jungjaehyun@nct-literature.department.it 

_How was your day?_

From: leetaeyong@nct-literature.department.it

_Boooring, I had four lessons and none of them was with you... I'm tired_

From: jungjaehyun@nct-literature.department.it

_You're cute, but you can rest now?_

From: leetaeyong@nct-literature.department.it

_Not really, I have dance practice in a few hours... but that's not a problem, I really like it_

From: jungjaehyun@nct-literature.department.it

_You dance? Why didn't I know about this?_

From: leetaeyong@nct-literature.department.it

_I never had the opportunity to tell you I guess..._

It was true and writing it down, acknowledging the truth sent a pang of sadness in the middle of his chest. They didn't really have many occasions to talk freely, not yet. 

From: jungjaehyun@nct-literature.department.it

_You're right. So let's create the opportunity yeah? I want to get to know you better. I want to know about what you like and what you dislike, I want to understand you and I want you to understand me, if you'd let me._

Taeyong breath itched at the words, and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He was suppressing an embarrassing noise worthy of a teenager, even if no one was around. He didn't want his FBI agent to see him through the webcam losing it over an email. 

From: leetaeyong@nct-literature.department.it

_Yes, I'd like that, and I'd let you. I want to know more about you too._

Before pressing send, Taeyong pondered if writing ' _I miss you_ ' was too much, if he was pushing it. But it's been three days since he last saw Jaehyun and he really missed him, and he'd agreed with himself to always be honest with him. He hit send. 

From: leetaeyong@nct-literature.department.it

_Yes, I'd like that, and I'd let you. I want to know more about you too. I miss you._

From: jungjaehyun@nct-literature.department.it

_What about_ _tomorrow then? After class, we can go to a café and have a drink? Tea for your exams? I remember you liked it last time. And, by the way, I miss you too._

From: leetaeyong@nct-literature.department.it

_Can't wait <3_

-

So saying he was nervous would be un understatement. He was trying to convince himself that it wasn't gonna be a date to calm his nerves, but who was he kidding, it was a date in the most objective way possible. Two people trying to get to know each other better, that's what Jaehyun wanted. So, yeah, Taeyong was approximately eight hours and a mental breakdown away from his so-not-but-literal date with the handsome doctor. 

It was 9 a.m. of a Saturday morning and Taeyong was browsing through the isles of the small library where he worked, trying to catalog the new set of books that arrived yesterday. He had a shift in the morning and then one in the afternoon, since Christmas was around the corner, the library kept open longer to let clients search for their Christmas gifts among the wooden shelfs. He would be free around 5 p.m. when Jaehyun told him he would pass by to pick him up. The thought alone made Taeyong drop a pile of books he was struggling to balance. Doyoung popped his head around the aisle, alarmed by the sudden noise.

"Everything's okay?" Doyoung asked quirking an eyebrow with a playful smirk on his face. 

"Yeah, apparently my arms decided they are too weak for this job." He sighed dramatically staring defeatedly at the mess on the floor with his arms on his hips. 

"Oh yeah? Are you sure you're not weak for an entirely different reason?" He leaned on the wall with his arms crossed and looked like he was eight chess moves ahead. 

"What do you mean?" Taeyong crouched on the floor to pick up the books he dropped, organizing them in smaller piles. 

"I mean, Mr. Weak-arms, that you've been completely distracted the whole morning, and it's only been 20 minutes." Doyoung says matter-of-factly. Taeyong freezed momentarily, then brushed it away shrugging his shoulders. 

"That's- that's not true. My arms are just- you know I had dance practice yesterday night, they're _sore_. If your only physical activity weren't stacking books away, you _would_ understand." He finally replied, always hiding behind his sarcastic mask. But Doyoung, of course, wasn't having it. 

"I'll let you know that I am probably stronger than you and- tell me, were your arms also weak when you accidentally sent the last deliver to a certain 'Jaehyun' instead of our client?" Doyoung scoffed. 

"What- ouch!" Taeyong stood up so quickly that he hit his head against the lower shelf of the bookcase, stumbling a bit in pain, holding his forehead with a hand and steading himself with the other. 

"Oh my go-, are you okay?!" Doyoung stepped forward immediately to check his face with a worried expression. 

"Yeah I'm okay, nothing a strong painkiller can't cure." He squeezed his eyes shut for a second. "What did you say about Jaehyun?" He was scared of the answer and didn't want to open his eyes yet. 

"You sent the last package to a mail contact that is not in our system, and definitely not the contact of that middle-aged woman who ordered it... I believe his name is Jaehyun? Is he why you're being so weird?" Doyoung fully smirked now. 

Taeyong wasn't ready to answer, nor to explain what Jaehyun was for him, and what Jaehyun meant for him. He still didn't know where they stood anyway. So he smoothly avoided the question. 

"What did I send him again?" He asked while rubbing his temples with his fingers. 

"Uhm, I believe it was the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy-"

"WHAT?" His eyes opened comically wide, and he looked at the ceiling almost as if he were in search of answers. Answers to questions like: Why him? Why was this happening to him? What did he do wrong? Why was Doyoung laughing? 

"Listen, I don't judge okay, it's okay, we all like different things-"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, stop talking please, you _know_ that those books weren't meant for him, why do you hate me?" He groaned, fisting his locks in a desperate way. Doyoung was sniggering, finding the situation absurdly funny. 

"Is there any way I can stop that delivery?" Taeyong asked, almost pleading. Pleading the ceiling above to have mercy on him, for _once_ in his life. 

"I'm afraid not... You sent it this morning right after your shift started and you know that the mailman comes in at-"

"Exactly 8.45 a.m. Yeah I know." He sighed, cursing every creature above, because _thank you, very funny_. 

"Don't worry, we can send another copy to the actual client. About the Jeyuun situation-" He was intentionally getting on Taeyong's nerves, he _knew._

"It's Jaehyun." He snapped nervously. 

"Yeah him, I'll let you deal with him, but I want those copies back, are we clear?" Doyoung tapped his shoulder two times in what should've been a comforting way, but that actually came across annoying as hell. Did he really need the money? (Yes, he did.) 

"I'm going to file a complaint against you, just you wait." He resumed picking up the books he dropped two times already, feeling a headache pulsing already under his skin. 

"For what? For being the bestest supervisor ever?" Doyoung challenged while backing away. 

"For employer mistreatment. I'm sure that's how I'm feeling right now." Taeyong grumbled. Doyoung only laughed making his way towards the cashier, then stopping in his tracks and coming back.

"On a serious note, if there's something bothering you, you can always talk to me yeah? I'm a friend before being your boss." Doyoung said, helping Taeyong to his feet. 

"Yes I know, thank you, but really it's not- it's not something bad, I'm distracted for happy reasons." He admitted shyly, almost blushing. 

"Alright then, all good. Oh, don't forget that this afternoon you have to decorate, let's make this place a bit more joyful." He grinned knowing Taeyong loved to decorate for Christmas, but he was a boss and he should give it like a order anyway. Tsk. 

"On it." He smiled, feeling slightly better even if he still had to find a solution for a mess he created. 

-

During the morning Taeyong did as many things as possible to keep his mind from wondering off to a certain man, to keep himself occupied with things that hadn't anything to do with the upcoming date. And the upcoming humiliation he will have to face at some point. During the lunch break he ate his Caesar salad with Doyoung, bickering and laughing like they always did, until he realized (well Doyoung actually pointed it out) that he was bleeding from a small cut on his forehead, just near his hairline, surely from hitting his head on the shelf. It was nothing serious, his headache almost gone thanks to the painkillers he took a few hours ago, so he just went to the bathroom to clean up and put on a small Harry Potter-themed patch because he was that embarrassing. He also had a Frozen-themed patch in his wallet, but that was for himself and no one else to know. 

After their break Doyoung worked his ass off to help and satisfy all the clients that would come in, meanwhile Taeyong was starting to open the boxes with all the decorations he would need to transform the small library in a small cute Christmas village. He was already imagining and mentally organizing where to put what, smiling to himself. Doyoung, on the other hand, looked particularly stressed. 

"I hate that you're having so much fun _working_." Doyoung whisper-shouted, while passing beside him in search of a remaining copy of the most wanted horror-thriller best seller of the time, (Halloween was two months ago, _thank you next_ ), groaning when a new group of high schoolers entered the shop. 

"Hey, I'm just smiling for the client, something that you're terribly failing at doing by the way." Taeyong teased and laughed out loud when Doyoung sent him a death glare and promptly plastered a fake smile on his face when a customer tapped on his shoulder asking for his attention. 

Taeyong turned away, finally looking inside the boxes and emptying them one by one. For a brief moment his brain reminded him that he would meet Jaehyun in 3 hours at most and his heart made a backflip. He couldn't really do anything to fix his appearance anyway, so he quickly went to the restroom and combed his white hair in a soft fringe, trying to hide the childish patch, and washed his face hoping it would make his skin brighter. He put on the cheap Christmas hat he found at the bottom of a box, and to settle the mood even more he made sure his Christmas playlist would entertain the customers' ears. _All I want for Christmas_ was everything Doyoung pretended to hate, but Taeyong caught him more than once mumbling the lyrics under his breath. He went back to work determined and his mind remained concentrated the whole time. 

He didn't know how much time had passed, but he was pretty satisfied and proud of what he had done until then. The cashier was drowned in red and green leaves, the aisles where glittering with fairy lights, and from the ceiling white soft snowflakes were hanging to simulate the snow. At the entrance he also placed some cute stuffed dolls and wood statues of deers and elves and a small Santa Claus too. At the centre of the library, in the widest spot, he decorated a medium-small Christmas tree. He noticed clients being progressively delighted with the lights and decorations and some even complimented him watching him work. He was cheerful. 

He only had to put some Christmas stickers on the glass of the entrance and he was done. He had all kinds of figures and Christmas creatures at disposition: he started by creating a white landscape and adding then wood animals, small cottages, reindeers, snowmen. He had to use a ladder to reach the highest points of the shop window to attach snowflakes falling from the sky. He was so busy stamping his fist on the glass to make sure the stubborn sticker would actually do its work and _stick_ to the glass, that he didn't realize that there was someone outside on the sidewalk watching him with a fond expression on his face. He didn't realize the tinkling sound of the bell resonating in the shop, signaling someone had just entered. He didn't realize the small cough at his back, trying to catch his attention. The damn sticker _wasn't_ sticking. 

"Need some help?" A sweet voice reached his ears and for a second he was going to gently decline, he surely couldn't accept help from a client. Only after a few seconds he recognized the ridiculously deep honey drip voice of the doctor. His eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks, turning his head so fast he almost snapped his neck with the force of it. He also forgot that he was still standing on a freaking ladder so of course he lost balance, feeling himself starting to fall backwards. Thankfully Jaehyun was there to place a gentle hand on the small of his back, preventing him from ruining on the floor like a loser. 

"Careful there." He smiled softly up at Taeyong, shy dimples showing up. Taeyong could feel the heat of his hand burning even through the thick layers of his hideous sweater and it was _very_ distracting. 

"Thank you." He replied, already out of breath because of the fall and well, because of Jaehyun. "Hi." He smiled, to which Jaehyun smiled even brighter, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was this late, but I'm almost done I swear, you could wait and like- visit around if you want?" _Visit around?_ What is this, a museum? God. 

Jaehyun looked around to take in the surroundings. "Don't worry, I'm actually early myself. Did you decorate all by yourself?" He asked, genuinely curious. He also retracted his hand, interrupting their contact which lasted a bit too long to go unnoticed. 

"Yes, it's my task every year to decorate. Doyoung hates it and I love it, so it's a win-win." He smiled shyly. The warmth he was feeling by having Jaehyun here was adding up to the cheerfulness he felt the whole day, making him beam with happiness. Taeyong was shining, and it may have been the fairy-lights giving him a gleaming aura, but Jaehyun knew it had less to do with artificial lights and all to do with Taeyong being Taeyong. Pretty and soft and sweet. 

"Uhm, I could help you?" Jaehyun asked, surprising Taeyong. He couldn't say no to that. 

"Okay, can you pass me those stickers on the table please?" He pointed to the small wooden table on his left, blushing quietly because that was the Jaehyun effect. 

"Sure." Jaehyun gathered the stickers in his hands, flipping through them and passing a strangely-shaped sticker to Taeyong, quirking an eyebrow. "Elves? Really?" He teased, clearly amused.

"Shut up, I'm a Christmas enthusiast, if you hadn't noticed." He replied, sticking the elf on a sleigh. More like _slapping_ the elf on a sleigh. 

"That elf is innocent you know." Jaehyun joked, while passing him a snowflake-comet sticker. "And yeah, I noticed. Your Santa hat is quite difficult to ignore." He smiled seeing Taeyong go as red as the color of the fabric he was wearing. "But it looks cute on you. You seem a small Christmas elf." 

Taeyong felt himself falling again, but this time gravity had nothing to do with it. He cleared his throat, and his thoughts too. "Kids love it and to be quite honest, I put it on so that Doyoung has too and I can watch him being grumpy about it." He giggled, slapping the last star sticker on the glass. He was stepping down from the ladder when Jaehyun offered him his hand to help him, which he took gladly. Not that he wasn't capable of _walking,_ but it was a nice excuse to just hold his hand. He felt his thumb swiping on the back of his hand and his grip tightening just a tiny bit.

"So Doyoung is your boss?" Jaehyun asked, voice slightly deeper, almost darker. 

"Not really, he's just my supervisor, but he likes to think he's my boss." He laughed, thinking about his coworker. 

"You two seem really close." Jaehyun smirked, hinting at something. Something in Taeyong's brain finally clicked: was that _jealousy_? Because of Doyoung? That was ridiculous. And funny. So fucking funny he was giggling, a bit scared and a bit turned on by Jaehyun's darkened eyes. "We're just close friends." He smiled brightly, Jaehyun was _jealous_ , what a fucking day to be alive. 

"Glad to hear that." The older whispered inching a bit forward. His eyes zeroed in on his soft white fringe, messy strings of hair escaping from the hat, and he brushed some away with his fingers to trace his thumb on the patch. Oh yeah, the cut, Taeyong totally forgot about it. "What happened here?" He cradled Taeyong's face with his hand, tucking his hair away behind his ear. 

"Oh, nothing really, I was picking up some books and then- oh my god." Realization hit Taeyong in an instant. "Oh my god." He repeated with a mortified expression. 

"What? What's wrong, Taeyong?" Jaehyun was clearly worried now. 

"Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. Please, don't take this the wrong way." Taeyong pleaded. 

"Okay? Taeyong tell me what's wrong, you're scaring me." Jaehyun softy caressed his cheek with his fingers, trying to calm him down. 

"This morning I might have or might have not sent you a trilogy of sex-related books." He said in a one breath. Confusion was clearly written on Jaehyun's features, but really he found the situation rather funny. Before he could reply, Taeyong continued. "BUT- it was an accident, a terrible accident, I just selected the wrong address, so yeah. Also I need to have them back." He clarified, blushing like crazy and not meeting the older's eyes. 

"Were those meant for you then?" Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at him, fully smiling. He was such a tease, Taeyong was whipped. 

"NO!" He quickly replied. "Absolutely not." He added, just to make sure. Jaehyun seemed to believe him, but he had the impression that he wouldn't get away with it that easy. 

"I don't know though, I could just buy them." Jaehyun casually replied, shrugging his shoulders. Taeyong breath itched and his eyes widened. "I- I guess? I- what do you mean buy th-" He was interrupted by Jaehyun's full laughter, deep and beautiful. "Taeyong I'm joking. You should've seen your face." A pause. "Cute." 

Taeyong giggled at himself and at the situation, happy that Jaehyun wasn't angry and didn't find him weird, but _cute._

"If you're done now, we could head out? Are you ready?" Jaehyun asked him, tacking his hands in the pockets of his coat. Taeyong nodded and went to say bye to Doyoung, warning him he was leaving. He replaced the red hat with a warm beanie and stepped outside in the cold winter weather where a warm hand was waiting for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo, if you liked it, leave kudos and a comment, I always love to read them ! thank you <3
> 
> Jealous Jaehyun THO 
> 
> until next time, stay safe :]


	10. Rules and rule breakers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii update  
> let's pretend I didn't ghost you all for two months...... on a serious note I had so many exams to study for and I just didn't have time, I hope you understand I do this for pleasure, because I love writing, but I am also busy in my real life. I'm sorry if the updates are slow, but I can promise you that I will bring this story to its rightful ending. I don't like leaving things unfinished. Promise. 💚
> 
> enjoyyy, leave kudos and a comment if you want :)

The moment Taeyong's hand was engulfed in Jaehyun's one, the cold biting at his face paled in comparison of the warmth he could feel radiating from his fingertips to the deepest angles of his soul. His heart was singing in delight, his mind resting in profound contentment. Taeyong never felt more safe and protected than when Jaehyun was right by his side. 

The walk to the café had been quiet but comfortable, Taeyong pointing out from time to time Christmas decorations he saw on the streets, hanging from the windows and the balconies, rating them from "ugliest to prettiest" and making Jaehyun laugh out loud when they passed near a completely Christmas-lit house and Taeyong announced it to be the winner of the "Worst taste" award. Jaehyun was indulging all of his antics and watching him with a fond expression.

"You decorate _one_ library and you're suddenly a self-proclaimed Christmas-deco guru?" Jaehyun teased, while making sure the street was safe enough to cross. Taeyong let out a dramatic gasp, gaping at Jaehyun. 

"What are you implying? I'll let you know my roommate lets me decorate our flat for any kind of occasion, even though _he_ is the art major. That must count for something." Taeyong replied, feeling a tug at his hand, and then Jaehyun was crossing the street, Taeyong blindly following him.

"Of course, I might rent you to decorate my house too then." Jaehyun stopped and flashed him a smile. Taeyong flushed red and whined, "shut up, that was terrible". 

"Here we are. Do you like it?" Jaehyun suddenly asked. Taeyong realized they stopped in front of a wooden door and huge glass windows to show the inside of a small but really busy café. The waiters were all wearing headbands with reindeer antlers on top of their hair. Taeyong immediately liked it. "Yes." 

The warmth of the café and the sweet smell of coffee and pastries welcomed them when they entered, choosing a small table for two right beside the window. 

After an embarrassing amount of flirting over Taeyong’s indecision of what to order, they finally settled for two hot-chocolates, whipped cream on top for the younger. _Of course_ , Jaehyun thought.

Taeyong was looking around the place, watching people converse, waiters preparing drinks and sometimes spilling them, but feeling at the same time stared at in return. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jaehyun was inspecting him with a fond expression but something akin to worry was hidden under his skin too. The younger couldn’t believe his luck, because that’s how he felt whenever he thought of Jaehyun, he felt lucky because he’d never been more excited and happy about frequenting someone. He knew they had to talk though, that what they were doing was borderline _wrong,_ and that was probably the reason behind the older’s concealed distress. Taeyong didn’t dare to bring up the topic first, dreading its possible outcome. What if Jaehyun would come to his mind (something that Taeyong wasn’t ready to do yet) and called the whole thing off? What if he realized he wasn’t worth the risk? What if he was just being nice to Taeyong because he pitied him? What if-

“Is everything okay?” Jaehyun’s voice interrupted his flow of self-destructing-self-doubting thoughts, bringing him back to reality. Jaehyun was there, sitting across the table _with him_ , he was overthinking. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to. The older must have noticed he zoned out for a few minutes, because he was now looking at him with a confused expression.

“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking.” Taeyong replied with sheepishness, trying to avoid his gaze.

Comprehension downed on Jaehyun, realizing they might be having the same worries and the same thoughts. He didn’t want to ruin their “date”, but they clearly needed to clear things up, set some rules and understand where they were standing. Noticing the younger’s unease, he decided to break the ice.

“Me too, I understand. Is it okay for you if we talk now? About this?” He motioned with his hand between them, searching for any sign of discomfort on Taeyong’s face.

The younger cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks reddening. “Yes- yes it’s okay”. Taeyong didn’t really know what to expect, because he was ready to get arrested for this man, but he also knew thatthat was utopian and that he watched too many movies and read too many books. But if this conversation were to end in rejection, certainly that wasn’t coming from Taeyong, of that he was sure.

“Look at me please.” Jaehyun said with a soft tone, almost like a whisper. Taeyong was afraid to find the older’s eyes, too afraid Jaehyun would read right through him. “Taeyong? Look at me baby.” Jaehyun reached out across the table to take his left hand and squeeze it. Taeyong’s eyes, almost on their own accord, found Jaehyun’s as if they were finally returning home. He was not going to leave him.

“Don’t look so sad, I’m right here, am I not?” He swiped his thumb on the back of his wrist, pressing down to ground him, in an attempt to ground his mind too which was undoubtedly running miles, seeing his eyes were glassy and glazed over.

Taeyong blinked a few times, trying to collect his thoughts and his voice. “I think I’m scared.” He blurted, going slightly tense.

“Scared of what?” Jaehyun asked. He already knew the answer, but he needed Taeyong to express himself, to open up to him. He needed Taeyong to break down so that he could build him up again.

The moment Jaehyun took his hand, the younger became transparent along with the wave of insecurity that was clouding his mind. He wouldn’t be surprised if the waiters could hear his thoughts too. He didn’t want to be childish in front of Jaehyun, to cry _again_ in front of him, to be reminded he was so much younger and inexperienced, but he was sensitive, and he hated it. Tears already threatened to spill over his cheeks and he desperately tried to keep them in.

“I know your position… I know you’re older, I know we can’t do this, I know it’s not right, and I’m scared because I also know I want this, more than I should, and you can’t risk everything for a dumb student, I know that and still- still I don’t want you to let go.” His shaking voice betrayed his badly concealed emotion.

Jaehyun felt his heart growing heavier inside his chest. How could Taeyong not understand how much he wanted him? That he was ready to put everything on the line to be able to hold him? Realization hit him, but just when he was about to reply, he was suddenly interrupted by the waiter who came with their orders. They both almost forgot they were in the middle of a café. The waiter placed the tray with two hot mugs on the small table between them, so that Jaehyun was forced to retract his hand from the younger. Taeyong put his hands on his lap, between his thighs, in an attempt to calm down their shaking and to warm them up, since Jaehyun’s warmth was gone. He wondered if it was going to be like that, doing things to replace Jaehyun’s absence. The thought made him sick to his stomach. The chocolate in front of him didn’t look that good anymore.

Jaehyun noticed the younger was closing in himself, building walls too thick to penetrate if he wasn’t quick enough to stop him. He pushed the two mugs aside, clearing the table to feel nearer to Taeyong, to make sure his words were fully reaching him. His hands were twitching with the need to touch him, but he curled them in fists resting them on the table, resisting the urge to reach out to the small boy in front of him.

“Do you think I don’t want this?” Jaehyun asked with seriousness. A moment passed and Taeyong kept his eyes on the wooden surface, biting his lip.

“It’s just- I get if you don’t.” Taeyong whispered defeated, sadness washing over his eyes. Jaehyun laughed without mirth, and that caught the younger’s attention.

“You know it’s probably my fault you’re feeling this way and I’m sorry. I hate to see you cry, but it seems tears are the only thing I’m able to get out of you. I keep making you think I don’t want you, but I do, I really do Taeyong. I don’t just want you, I _desire_ you, like I never desired anyone in my life. I will do anything in my power to make you stop feeling insecure about yourself around me, I want this like you want this, maybe even more, and if that’s wrong I don’t care, I’ll be damned if I’m going to give you up, to give us up. You’re not just a ‘ _dumb student_ ’, you’re younger, that’s true, but your age doesn’t define your maturity or your personality, nor it influences what I feel for you right now, for _you_ , a beautiful and smart boy, who must be absolutely crazy to trust me with his heart. But please, please, please, do.”

Jaehyun finished, keeping eye contact for the whole time, a spark of hope visible in his chocolate irises. Taeyong was left speechless, couldn’t believe his ears, couldn’t believe his luck, that Jaehyun was real and that he wanted _him_. He hasn’t blinked since Jaehyun started talking, and his big wide eyes were still held captive by the older’s. He tried to come up with something to say, but everything seemed to pale in comparison of what he just heard. Sensing Taeyong’s stupor, the doctor gently smiled, softened by the boy’s cute reaction, and extended his right hand on the table.

“Give me your hand, Taeyong.” He whispered. Taeyong drew back his hand from between his thighs, still cold despite the thick sweater he was wearing. He shakily placed his hand on Jaehyun’s palm, feeling the warm skin under his fingertips. Always warm.

Much to the younger’s surprise, Jaehyun locked his pinky with his own, tugging him a bit forward, causing Taeyong’s breath to stutter.

“I pinky promise you that we will make this work, no matter what.” He breathed, just inches apart from Taeyong. “And if this is childish, then yes, I am a child.” He laughed slightly.

“You cannot break a pinky promise.” Taeyong murmured, tightening his grip.

“I won’t baby.” And to seal the deal, Jaehyun brushed the tip of his nose to Taeyong’s, wiping away with his thumb the small wetness under his eyes.

“Can you smile for me now?” The older asked, placing a feathery kiss to his knuckles. Taeyong thought he would never get used to this. Nodding his head, he couldn’t help but smile widely even if teary-eyed, feeling honestly happy.

Finally clearing the heavy air, the two could enjoy their hot chocolates, still warm despite being forgotten for a while. With renewed courage, Taeyong found the confidence to ask the important questions.

“So, how are we going to do this?” Taeyong nonchalantly asked while liking away the cream from his teaspoon.

Jaehyun lowered the mug from his face revealing a lopsided smirk that Taeyong would’ve found cocky if it wasn’t so incredibly sexy.

“Do you want me to set some rules?” The doctor asked genuinely curious, if not amused. Taeyong chocked on his drink, turning fully red at the implications. Jaehyun probably didn’t even mean anything, but Taeyong’s mind was playing tricks on him.

“Uhm, what do- what do you mean?” He stuttered, clearing his throat and tapping a napkin on his lips to wipe the corner of his mouth. And to partially hide the redness of his face. Partially because even his neck was feeling hot.

Jaehyun’s smirk became bigger and bolder, his eyes went just a bit darker, his voice dropped an octave. “I can set some rules if you want, but you have to be good and follow them.” It already felt like an order more than a proposition, and Taeyong was already nodding his head accordingly, almost on instinct.

“I promise I’ll be good.” He reassured, looking in earnest to please the older.

“That means no more being a brat during my lessons just to rile me up, understood?” Taeyong slightly winced, remembering how embarrassed he was that day and how incredibly hot Jaehyun had been right after the lecture. Maybe he could break this specific rule if that was the outcome.

“Yes understood.” He replied. That was a lie, but Jaehyun didn’t need to know.

“We still have one month and a half of lessons, at least until mid-February, so we need to be extracareful when we’re on campus. We cannot interact during the day, not even if we bump into each other at the library or at the canteen, because it would look too suspicious if they see us talking often. It’s better to avoid going out near the university in general… but you could come to my place during the weekend if you want.” Jaehyun offered, testing the younger’s reaction.

Taeyong’s face lit up, evident excitement showing on his features. “I’d love that.” He sighed. “One month and a half. It’s not that bad, I can resist.” He giggled.

“Can you? That also means no kisses for a month and a half.” Jaehyun sniggered. Taeyong pouted. He was not being serious, was he?

“What’s that face? Are you giving up already?” Jaehyun laughed, taking a sip of his chocolate.

“No, I just don’t believe you and you’re mean.” The younger continued pouting.

“Oh, we’ll see then.” Jaehyun was turning his wallet, already taking out his money to pay for the drinks and to leave a tip for the waiter. Taeyong didn’t care about the damn drinks right now, he was getting stressed.

“You’re not actually serious right?” The younger asked disbelieving, waiting for the punchline of the joke.

“Only if you behave baby, you’re already being too greedy in my opinion.” Jaehyun was getting up and pulling on his long coat. Going to Taeyong’s seat, he took the younger’s coat from where it was hanging on the chair and held it open for him. Taeyong slowly got up, fishing for words while sliding his arms in the coat. “Mean.” Taeyong whispered under his breath while Jaehyun was zipping up the front for him. He stopped in his tracks: “What did you say?”

“Nothing! I swear!” Taeyong exclaimed hurriedly, finishing to zip up his own coat. He proceeded by zipping his lips too with two fingers, just because he was dramatic. Jaehyun just shook his head and took his hand away from his face, intertwining their fingers.

The walk back was filled with light jokes and quiet conversation. Jaehyun was serious about wanting to know him better, continuously asking questions to see Taeyong blush and then fumble with his words to reply. It was a cute sight.

“You said you had dance practice the other day, so you’re a dancer?” The older asked. They were walking really slowly, Taeyong noticed. Sometimes they even stopped as if they could listen each other’s words better. Taeyong thought he didn’t really mind, the slower the more time he could spend with Jaehyun. He surely didn’t want to part yet. The white-haired boy took its sweet time to reply.

“Yes! Totally forgot about that, yes, my legs are still hurting to be honest, our teacher is _not_ holding back. I’ve been dancing for 4 years now. I really like it, it’s…. refreshing. Me and my friend Haechan started it off as a joke actually, but then we ended up really liking it. I can’t imagine my life without dancing now.” He said smiling, talking about his passion always put him in a good mood.

“That’s really nice, to see you so happy about something you like. What kind of dance though?”Jaehyun was observing him genuinely interested.

“Hip-hop mainly, sometimes contemporary too. I was so bad at first you wouldn’t believe it, but then it became a sort of challenge for me to thrive and do better, and the challenge transformed into passion. It is also very useful when things get a bit too much, to keep my mind off bad thoughts, to release some stress.” He shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to make the conversation too sour.

Jaehyun suddenly stopped walking and turned to him. “Can I see you dance someday?” He asked, hopeful voice resonating in the night sky.

“I actually have a performance in about a month or so….and I might also be the choreographer.” He added shyly. If there was one thing he was confident about that was dancing and choreographing, but put Jaehyun in the mix and he would be a nervous wreck in no time.

“That’s great! I can’t miss it then, I’m sure you’ll be great baby.” Jaehyun squeezed his hand for emphasis.

“Thank you but… I don’t think you can come watch me.” The younger said pouting.

“What, why? If you’re not comfortable with me being there I understand-“

“No no, that’s not it! It's just that it’s a university performance, meaning it will be held on campus. Wouldn’t it be weird if you were there? I mean people could see you and- I don’t know, I’m overthinking am I not?” Taeyong said in a rush, almost out of breath.

“I’m sure we can find a way Tae, it’s not like professors are banished from campus events, I’m not committing a crime if I want to see my students perform. Don’t worry about it, I will be there.” Jaehyun tugged the boy forward, taking one of his hands and putting the other on his waist.

“What are you doing?” Taeyong asked confused.

“Dancing.” Jaehyun smiled, making him twirl and coming into his space again, this time Taeyong put his hand on his shoulder on instinct.

“Jaehyun we’re in the middle of the street.” Taeyong laughed, giddy with excitement and incredulity.

“And? Is it forbidden to dance in the middle of the street? I thought _I_ was making the rules here Tae.” The older strengthened his grip on his waist, bringing him even closer, not a sheet of paper could pass between them. Taeyong had to stand on tippy-toes to accomodate the new proximity. Not that we was complaining. He could feel the hot breath coming out of the older’s mouth in a watery cloud, the tip of his nose cold against his own but comforting. Jaehyun was slowly rocking them side to side, until he stopped, eyes focusing solely on his lips. Taeyong slowly licked his lips as a reflex.

“I thought you said no kisses.” Taeyong whispered, almost brushing their lips together.

“I make the rules, so I can break them.” And just like that Jaehyun was kissing him with intent, maybe with more vigor than it was allowed in a public place, but they really couldn’t care. The older carefully brushed his thumb on his jaw, then down his neck before parting completely. Taeyong finally opened his eyes.

“I’m so happy I met you.” The younger murmured, pecking his lips once more, just because he could.

“I’m happy you’re trusting me with this. I mean it.” Jaehyun smiled happy. “But did you just kiss me baby? Not even an hour and you’re already breaking rules. What should I do with you, mh?” Then he started kissing him like he was hungry and Taeyong was his favorite prey, leaving him out of breath and a bit shaky too. He was so surprised by the sudden attack that it took him a moment to respond.

“I told you you’re so mean! Give me a warning before doing these… things.” He blushed furiously, tucking his head under his chin, hiding away in his coat.

“These things? I can’t believe this, you’re so cute.” Jaehyun hugged him tighter.

“Mean.” He whispered once more, but his mind was screaming a totally different word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment, let me know what you think! :]
> 
> Jaehyun is totally the type to slow dance with you at random times tbh

**Author's Note:**

> Soo here we are, wow, okay so I honestly don’t know where it’s going, but it’s going to be a long ass ride (mark I’m @ u here), bear with me, if you want leave any comments or suggestions or anything really, I will appreciate all constructive criticism. I will try to update with a regular pattern, until next chapter , bye stay safe everyone sending love


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